Huiyi and I once had this conversation,

She said, "Why do people have to be two-faced? It just makes life more difficult for everyone. Why can't they just be themselves?!!". And yes, she sounded positively frustrated.

So I said,

"Don't be silly now. If they were to just be themselves, everyone would know they're assholes".

Hmm. Well, you can't deny that's almost half the explanation.


Next, Sam got me this job where I had to transcribe one hour of tape for 30 bucks. Honestly, I had no problem catching on to the (boring) recorded interview, but I had to listen to some parts for a few times.

Samuel: You should stop procrastinating! Get back to transcribing. (yes I haven't completed one tape yet.) Pray to the Lord for the patience and persistence, it's the fruit of the spirit!

So I said,

"Tomorrow lah."


Procrastinators unite!


Besides the fact that I'm procrastinating and my mother's out of town... I painted my nails.

Oh gosh I miss her so. Not just because she's away, but mostly because the boys (yes, my dad has crossed the line) at home are driving me crazy.

Isn't there like, an obedience school badly-behaved-around-the-house males should go to?

1. They make messes they don't realise.

2. They don't clean up after their messes.

They were just about as clueless as fattened chickens headed towards the KFC supply chain.

3. They expect everybody without a (crude but I have to say it) penis to do everything else for em'.


I gotta admit this, but they can't freaking order pizza over the phone, try to reheat pizza, attempt reheating pizza without realising the switch is on 'OFF' (and wondering why the toaster's all screwed up), make porridge for dinner etc.

Oooh and this one takes the cake.

Pretty much all the chores are left to me and wow, I have to stay up to wait for the washing machine to be done washing so that I can hang up the clothes. Talk about selfish and this time, I mean it. While not incapable of doing the laundry (which is fold or hang), I'm really starting to think they're overly-dependent on my mama.

So it went like this,

My dad pushed the laundry to me and I did um, probably 4 days worth of laundry. Getting pissed off and rebelling against sheer laziness only got me an annoying little snoot telling me off,

"YEA! You should be more responsible!"

Uh-huh. For anyone who still think he's cute, I swear I'm going to slap your face with my brother's damp underwear.

You have been warned. May common sense be with you.

Which reminds me how pissed off I was at dinner cleaning up their messes. it just so happened my brother gave me another passing quip...

"If you have time, you should go do some chores *snooty act-cute face*".

Somebody kill me.

Some chocolate later, I cooled down.

Haiz. This is why if I have kids, I need to have at least one daughter. I don't know how mums can live without another female if they don't have daughters.

Yes, I believe my family would be a wreck without my mama around. Oh she's always there to make sure things are tip-top and shipshape. The loving, responsible custodian of the house, I'm so glad she's coming back tomorrow.

Sigh, I guess it's been written in history. Men have conspired (oooh and ganged up by ignoring the chores and lounging their fat asses in front of the tv) since the beginning of time to push everything seemingly domestic to women.

I don't know what to say. I'm just glad I have a mother that keeps my sanity alive before belligerence takes over. Ironically, she's usually the one killing it.

At least my dad has been civil to me and not buay song cuz I didn't do as he said immediately (yes I had to do it anyway). Oh well, who would figure out how to work the toaster!

Sometimes, all they had to do was pretty much... um, move. Sedentary. But what d'you know, when they got to using their nougets,

*few minutes of inspection*

"HEY this thing is on 'OFF!'"

"I think, we should do this... *turns knob*"

"LOOK! THE TOASTER'S LIGHTING UP!"


This is why men take women for granted. Especially in everyday situations.

Of course if you're not one of these guys, you got nothing be ashamed of. So don't tell me I'm generalising here. The innocent walk free. The guilty... Thou shalt be judged by PMS-ing housewives with formidable rolling pins.

And so in Mr and Mrs Smith,

Brad Pitt said, "You underestimate me, Jane"

then Angelina Jolie said, "John, you couldn't find the keys even if you had a map and a compass."


At least it's how I remember it, or want to remember it.

We're girls with horror stories. Do tell!

Labels: Family, Quirks, Real Life

It's my 96th post! Heh heh, coming towards the 100th. I haven't had a good enough post in a long long time. Oh the laziness bug and the writer's block.


The weather turned on the nose tap today. Non-stop sneezing, sniffing and leaking. Too bad there ain't no plumber for this.

It's gone from perpetually windy for a week, to scorching sun, pouring sheets, mild, once-a-day-rain, then interchangeably wet or humid.


Sharon's 17th birthday! Maybe it's not so strange after all that time would pass so fast, like, tomorrow the whole bunch of us would be 27, then 77. Looking at Stephanie's schedule while I'm basically lazing around, it does feel sorta crazy that it was only a few months ago that I was busier than that.

I saw the neighbour I've not seen in months since his sister's wedding an hour ago. A little ironic how I see my neighbour less often like this. So near yet so far. Got a little wistful thinking how one day, we'd all move out, leaving the parents with the whole house to themselves.


A passing thought... It seems to me that whenever anyone is angry, he who seems to have no more vocabulary than a country bumpkin, spews out words Shakespeare has never heard of.

In other words...

A girl who looks just about as deep as Jessica Simpson (Nick Lachey: I swear if you get fat, this marriage is so over), speaks like Brooke Shields, in fact, say it in the most serious tone possible (Smoking kills. When you die, you've lost a very important part fo your life) would, I don't know...

wax lyrical in emo 'masterpieces' and use words like 'cognoscente', with atrocious grammar in the next sentence. Wordsworth would be so proud.

I know I've said this before, but I've had a bit of a breakthrough. Do people feel the need to show their superiority in a conflict as a cat would do by making its fur stand on end, just so they could have a more threatening appearance? Oh, the things we do to have an upper hand and act like we know what we're talking about.

When people you know are naturally bravura in self-expression (heh, thank God I don't see people like these too often), or just trying to blow up like a pufferfish, sometimes you can't help but wonder: Before you typed that self-righteous admonishment, I bet you picked a random word from Dictionary.com.

When a noun is confused for a verb in plain pissed-offness (Constance speak!), oh how we blasphemise the innocent bystander, literally shooting the messenger (English Language) instead of the sender (Who you're pissed off at). Sacrilegous! (Oooh repetition!)

No reticence now, oh I feel empowered by something I barely understand!

Get it? Now that's why I don't check Dictionary.com as often, due to lack of flavour. Yeah feel free to study this post for A level's GP eh Hairil. The sun is yet again at the windowsill of the world. We'll see if you'll be calling me up for cheem phrases before your exam.


Did I mention the song which goes 'Mah heart is damaged, damaged, daaaamaged ..' is plain annoying. If a lover has given yourself a heart attack, then that's too bad, please don't sing about it like that.

Its one of those songs when you ask: Who the hell gives it heavy airplay?


Why is everyone born in March?!! I've got like 4 birthdays at hand. "Ni ma bu shi ying cao piao de hor!"


Speaking of my mother, she says more than she should, especially to little children. No wonder we lose patience with her.

You don't tell a kid whose got his lovely pencil case vandalised on purpose by someone he doesn't know that the girl who did it is being ridiculous and should stop trying to attract my brother with her inappropriately coquettish way of showing a twisted sense of attraction masked in arrogance.

I hate it when she jumps to conclusions. Undermines the victims and it proudly displays our need to be always right and judgemental without knowing the full story. Gosh, what if the victims don't even know if she's wrong cuz she's never as right as she says she is.

Doesn't matter now, as for me, I'm learning not to be that way, especially during the course of last week...

Labels: Answers, Essence of Sprouting, Family, Real Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off

So these few days, I can't twitch my nose or the entire right side of my face will hurt.

Church is good for the soul, a reliable spring mattress is beneficial to the back (sadly I have to settle for two small mattresses), I'm becoming more of a big girl - dealing with a little monster and helping around the house - mmm and I have guy friends who have problems dealing with girls at a certain time of the month.

Unfortunately, I am unable to mention one of the two incidents due to vehement objection. Tsk tsk, first you're shell-shocked (O M G O M G O M G HOW CAN YOU GIRLS SAY SUCH THINGS OUT LOUD?) and now you don't want people to know why I gave up and told you in the face that I was having my monthly issue? Pfft!

There goes Number 2.

Here's Number 1:

Dumpling: How's your day?

Corn: Bad. Cramping real bad all day. (Hint 1)

Dumpling: Why? (Strike 1)

Corn: Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm a girl? (Hint 2)

Dumpling: Huh?! (Strike 2)

Corn: *smacks forehead* Hong Wei. *stern* (Hint 3 and alert: You're making it really difficult for me here)

Dumpling: -.- (Strike 3: -.- me some more!)

Corn: I'm having my period. (And you're out!)

Dumpling: Oops!

Corn: YES. Take a hint. PLEASE! I'ma mood swingy girl on one of those days with really bad cramps! There I've said it!

You boys ask for it sometimes. Hehe, no offence Dumpling. Just giving a demo on the hints that guys USUALLY take when a girl's having some oestrogen rearranged.

Yeah and guys, sometimes there's so subtle way to say it. No easy way out. That's why I told Shawn straight in the face. Then, he freaks out into a blabbering mess. Mm, can't see the difference between a guy and a girl no more.

Corns: If I wasn't cramping, I would throw an exercise ball at you.

No, you wouldn't want to be flattened and end like that.

Labels: Real Life

A whole new lineup for the absence lately.



Does anyone realise everyone's sporting black nails lately? Fingernails, toenails, everywhere I go. Feels as though they're all ready for the Christmas party or doing the anti-Christmas.

Well, not me! I gots SIA-girl red nails ho yeah! (thanks mythili love you for buying it and doing most of it for me cos I'll mess it up). All in the spirit of the holiday season and they'll be off by CNY. Wouldn't want to be labelled as cheena. Anyway, killer red is H-A-W-T. Not just for aunties okay... The right shade makes it classic and eye-catching. (so don't be close-minded)

Mmm, that reminds me, my fingernails are going shiny pink. The anti-black. Love the anti-trend. As soon as I get the top coat. Oh and, for anyone who's thinking of neon pink or hot pink, it's seriously not advisable. It's terribly tacky, like.. like.. tights that hug a bit of the sole. Tights are good, but not THOSE. They scream faux pas. Blinding in a bad way.

Done playing Blackwell.



Updates updates. My patience wavers like Starhub coverage when it comes to my brother. Mrs Aidil is considerably patient and all ... which was how I started out. Nice, forgiving and efficient. Sigh, what can I do. I just can't help twitching when I hear or see an incoherent statement. If you have to hear it all the time... you'll go nuts too. Okay, that's just me.

C'mon. Being invincible doesn't mean "cannot see". As is knewed, noisely, teached, nevermind.

Twitch twitch twitch. An alarm just goes off in my head.

To give him credit, he's learnt fast enough, done better than some p6s and sec4s,uh-huh. He's been patient enough and endured my "NOOOOOOOO!!!! WRONG!!!!"s and he's just a kid. A boy kid. Which gives him a worse attention span.

Oh, he has this ... thing to call it "the whole entire thing" WHY CAN'T HE JUST SAY "THE WHOLE THING" OR "THE ENTIRE THING" WHY!

He watched too much TV, he's moody during studying (understandable and I do give concessions) and he tries to last-minute but fails badly at doing so cos he's freaking tired from watching TV. I don't get it. English is a chore to him, heh it reminds me of the relationship between Chinese and I.

Me: Do your corrections.

Brother: I feel like dying.

Me: No.. that's the easy way out.

Brother: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Okay who is responsible for this. I don't understand, he's treating English like a chore and its forcing me to do it too cos other than making him learn by rote I'm practically at my wits end cos when I do something less boring he would rather not do it and do it "rote".

You know, like how its a must to learn Chinese words by rote cos there are like 10 000 characters and everyone is different. That's why I like English better, there's less routine.

Now, that's why its frustrating.

Okay, moving on.



Ahaha, if you would kindly direct your attention to the tag that advertises Low Kay Hwa novels. I might enjoy reading, but my taste is definitely beyond those. Even the covers look cheesy. Like something churned out of a washed-up Channel 8 drama serial.

Which reminds me...

I was watching Ellen and then channel-flipping. Flip flip flip ... Channel 8.

Me: booooooooring. *proceeds to press flipping button*

Brother: NOOO!! It's Love Blossoms 2!

He's been auntie-fied.

I gotta hit the library. For the books and erm, the fountain of knowledge. Not excited about school though. Never thought I would need a library kaki after exams.

Hehs, I thought Low Kay Hwa was a middle-aged auntie... turns out its some geeky guy in his 20s. Looks so. Heh, Huiyi reads em'! Okay fine, reading tastes are up to discretion. Anyway, she let me read one of those. (Hehe, at least you're reading!) Can't believe how sappy it was! I read a little though.

:P How much pride went down the toilet in the making of those novels? Okay okay, all the teenage girl fans.

I don't know, it's .. it's as gay as Clay Aiken.

Alright, disclaimers. If you're a fan, than that's not my problem. I like Life of Pi, Hairil thinks its a roundabout book. See? We all have our own little erm, mostly-unliked likings. So I'm not gonna judge you on that, cos I got my own too! Aha (at least I don't like cheesy novels!!!!!!!)

Mmm as for my mostly-unliked likings.. wait a sec, I'm not s'posed to talk about this.

Life of Pi is very well-liked though.

Heh heh enough naughtiness.

That with writers too. Well, at least you wrote something. Something painful for me to read though. *shrugs* Take it with a pinch of salt, I know my blog is painful to read to some, but its not to me. Okay okay, at the end of the day... as long as you like it, as long as your teenage female acne-fighting, finger-crossing, wide-eyed-hoping, love-strangling fans worship it (just read the website), fine by me.

The last disclaimer: This is a critique too. I can talk about nails, clothes, pop culture references, guys and remain un-superficial.

Plus, I don't over-love myself. Seen a terrible case of an ego-exploding blog. Take cover, the debris will blind you with its life in self-denial.



Never judge a book by its cover (can't say that about Low Kay Hwa's novels though). A physics teachers in his 50s who wears glasses and a bow tie beat a guy who's got muscles and the looks of Leonardo Dicaprio and Ben Affleck in his 20s at Survivor. Uhhuh. Being pretty won't win you a million dollars but it will win you the affections of Mythili. :)



My last report of this post: Self-denial is bad for health. Humans. We just want to be something we're not. Of course, this holds true for everyone and is sadly exaggerated for some members of our community.

Societal expectations, what mama always wanted you to be, the grass is always greener on the other side, low self-esteem, forgivable to some extent.

Or, if you can't beat them, join them.

Hahs, but every once in a while, you'll be annoyed. *winks* Love ya Fatimah.

Labels: advertisement, Answers, Family, Fashion, Friends, Quirks, Real Life

1.16 AM I'm still awake and darn my 2006,2007,2008 November resolution for sleeping early and rising with the MRT. And who on earth craves for KFC chicken (except for Hairil). Alright, besides getting strange cravings, and erm, at unearthly hours (like a sudden urge for carbohydrates, preferably in potato or tapioca form), nothing is up.



Btw, my strangest craving yet is for tapioca. Good solid tapioca with things that get stuck to your teeth cooked in a big pot with some salt and to make it all slippery in your mouth. The smell is one of a kind, as is the texture and taste, potato-like, but with more kick. Sweeter, but not too sweet. Chewy, but doesn't make your mouth all dried up like sweet potato. Got so addicted I was lolling off my seat the next day and relating my craving to a new friend I've only met for 2 hours.



1.23 AM These few days have been enlightening and frustrating. It's a good thing I learnt things the hard way before I really get slapped in the face and there's no law to protect fully matured adults.



Frustrating:



Sigh, feeling the stress of the working world (drama, but yes) and how money being able to pay for my desired material possessions and me being in control of it makes me relish it and run after it like a donkey led by a tantalising carrot stick that is always a few cm away from me but never in my mouth.



Enlightening:



After 2 days of lolling off over being jobless, realisation hits me that allt he material posessions I've always wanted and the power that came along with it couldn't replace my essential needs. I'd rather be a slave to time needed to be spent with people generally referred to as loved ones (and taken for granted ...) than to the driving force of all that is capitalism. Oh monay, it's a cold cruel world out there.



Frustrating:



On Day 1 of cashier training, I was subjected to more propaganda. You can smell it from mile away. Do part-timers really give a damn about the companies they work for? Doubt it. Sharon was lolling off from boredom and I was resisting.



Enlightening:



Learnt more about customer service (and ignored all the Fairprice propaganda), made new friends (who were lolling off in boredom too), studied patterns of companies and competitors (sorry Fairprice, I like Cold Storage a lot better, though they have a corny ad on tv).



Frustrating:



Day 2 of cashiering: Very taxing on the patience. Sharon doing a lot of stress control and making herself more stressed, and I catch the debris falling from the stress-hijacked Sharon. Ouch. She goes left-right-left-right and has not yet done a nose-dive into a decision.



Enlightening:



Confident of being a cashier and passing the test. Optimism on a high. Was ready to face anything and anticipating paycheck. Then, all cranky cos I realised there was so much to study and I wasn't ready. And suddenly, making the cash register spring out wasn't as amusing as the first few times.



Frustrating:



Day 3 Didn't have enough time to memorise the new info on how to work EPOS. (tinier machine for paying by cashcard, NETS blah). Aced theory test and did badly for practical. Didn't answer one question and panicked (re-enactment of SPAs, which I do need to help myself asap) real bad. Rejected receipts same no. as accepted receipts. Questioning ability as cashier.



Enlightening:



Freaked out over the fact that I could've been blacklisted by the group of employment agencies. Punked by unprofessional consultant. Resolved to quit (Fairprice cashiering and Equator) in a phone call. Tamed all hell that broke loose.



Discovered amazing innate ability to talk diplomatically out of any situation and sounding sincere and interested. Thank you God for giving me this talent. Though I might suck at many other things (everything except reading, writing, the like), it's an indispensable skill that happens to come naturally to Corny.



Thank you 8 years of drama training and experience. You have served me well.



Thank you annoying, demanding, unreasonable, stifling certain teachers of JSS. For when I had to talk to you in a nice, respectable manner (and perhaps you don't know that as much as you tolerate us kids, a lot of students are resolved to tolerating your shit too until we graduate), you really trained me in dealing with people who push you around, don't understand your situation, insist on wanting things their way and not seeing how unfeasible your "requests" are, quite firm in wanting to stifle any form of creative thinking (or politically incorrect thinking), gee, I don't know.



I gritted my teeth, I held back my little angry voice telling me to walk away or lose it. I slid a sarcastic buttered remark, for it is what you wanted to hear. And today, I'm stronger.



Frustrating:



2 days later (today), I still have to make a trip down to Tanjong Pagar. Waste ez-link card money. (Wei! recession hor!).



Enlightening:



Learnt the lesson of diplomacy, severity of black and white, and professionalism. And if you can help it, be sure to ensure that people paying you are professional. I learn from others' mistakes. Settled "debt" with agency and happy.



Frustrating:



The price to pay for fame and recognition is a pain in the ass. Damn you pussycat dolls.



When I grow up, I wanna be in famous I wanna be in movies ... *continues computer-generated twittish featherbrained lyrical content and voices mashed together digitally attempting to be passed off as singing* Damn, PCD sounds even more nasal than Britney.



Be careful of what you wish for cos you just might get it?



Yeah, sure. Strippers who for some reason never take off their clothes would never tell you that fame comes with people ready to smear your reputation and it's almost impossible to remain inconspicous. Ah public scrutiny, gotta love it.



And if you wanna take it in a candy-coated jingle...



"You can talk about me. Cos Ima hawt topic!"



Yeah yeah, with fame comes groupies and/or boobies (what can money not afford to have?)



Enlightening:



Let me get back to you on that.



2AM Frustrating: Blog-hopping on respectable blogs (cheem, reflective, interesting, intelligently funny), and little unknown blogs (some of which deserve to be forever tucked into cyberspace unrecognised cos it would blind people with sanity), darn are teens that shallow? Literary merit isn't much of a winner too ay, me hearties.



Sigh, it would be the end of the world if adults start assuming all teens write like that. Manufactured, bubblegum, dishing up emo-ness and love stories and pigeonholed (cos it all looks the same?), no writing style, bumbling about everyday life in an uninteresting manner, zilianing pics (there is a limit you know), and of course, the occasional, or everyday potty-mouth word. :) Fish! (HAHA my little cousin really thought this was the 'F' word, so adorable.)



Enlightenment:



I didn't post due to lack of inspiration, which makes dry and blah blog posts. And I realised that I don't need essentially need pictures in my blog cos my writing is what matters. Haven't found anyone with a similar style (like churning out long posts) of writing, perspective, humour (I'm not funny, never was, never will be), awareness (mmm that depends).



Read my long long posts if u want to. And pictures don't always show up cos I'm just different. I'm a writer, not an photoshopper, photographer or picture-perfect model.



Yes and I'm amused by my emo moments during blogging, cos it sure is nicer to read than ..



"sianxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxz. will someone ever rescue me from this pit of botomless doom? where's my prince charming when he promise he will come? reversations of the past coming back to me. why did you lie to me? my fantasy is gone. wanna see my slashed wrist?"



Ah darlings, how many mistakes can you pick out?



1) Understandably, we are SGrean, and the use of the term "sian" isn't a crime really. But repeated 's's and 'z's are reminiscent of the twit wave that used to engulf the blogosphere a few years back, it's horrible, hideous and unspeakable like like.. 70s tackiness or an unflattering purple CD cover that says "ELTON JOHN EXTRAVAGANZA".









The horror.



2) glaring grammatical errors that put off respectable readers, and it happens throughout the entire post.



3) ima stickler for good spelling. (and i NEVER had to study for spelling after p3! HAHAHA!!)



4) SVA problem. Ouch.



5) Over-indulgence in childish fantasies that take common sense to realise that it's not true, and that the blogger has been living in delusion.



6) Typical emo-ness that gets really boring. Man eat man, learn that and when it happens to you, try to describe it in another way and just say "Damn I've been screwed real bad." Everyone gets it immediately.



7) Wrist slashing is so passe. Try mentally torturing yourself. Or maybe it's cos you don't have much of a brain to be tortured with haha!



Okayokay, chill. Understandably some people just like physical pain and all (i don't, cos mental pain already gets me lolling off *wooo!*), still, it all seems rather frivolous. I'll get back to you when you check out that word. Honestly, some emo-ness is just plain... frivolous.



And never use big words that you don't know how to use appropriately, it makes you a laughing stock and unnecessarily taxes your brains and theirs.



"I HATE YOU! I HATE MY FAMILY! I HATE MY SO-AND-SO FOR MAKING ME LOVE YOU SO MUCH! (miley cyrus, you are a bad example)"



1) Ah a bit of anger and teen angst. Nobody understands you. (Darn we do take that for granted)



"NOW IM RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME AND LOOK! IM POPPING ECSTASY WITH A MARLBORO'S IN MY MOUTH AND OOOPS! I SWALLOWED MY CIGGY!"



2) Plain dramatic stupidity and a cry for attention of which shrinks should promptly attend to. Ah, the wild life, out all night, not caring if your "abusive" parents worry the shit out of themselves cos you don't come home, you not worrying that your parents seem apathetic to your antics...



"she slept with him, what a ho. i hope they get STDs together, watch out arh, next time you bathe, you see something funny on your .."



3) Won't finish that sentence. haha, nothing like a bit of spite!



Last and not least, the icing on the teenage cake:



"Fish You!"





















Not to mention overtly long pauses to show depth in thought or anticipation. mmm, so don't use it unnecessarily.



2.30AM End of a fantastic blog post (I love myself too much, someone restrain me!) and a boring day. What time shall I wake up tomorrow?

Labels: Accomplishments, Answers, Quirks, Real Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, WhatcausesJoy

I'm at the top of the world but falling off cos my limbs are aching and I'm a tired little corn.

2 nights of uncomfortable sleep (downs of being a girl) and cleaned my room (yes i cleaned it) yesterday and today, total time w/o breaks: 9 hours.

So much dust bunnies and things to be .. well, cleaned, rearranged, thrown out.

I cleaned everything except for the bed on the top (too hard to clean), the staircase storage contents (nobody cleans those) and the wooden drawers (too many things and too disruptive to clean), vacuumed twice and mopped once.

Oh gawsh, I've got to do more superficial cleaning if i want my room dust-free. At least now my room is organised and my clothes are no longer in a mess. I can actually see my staircase. *pats self on the back*

Now that I have less pressing issues to attend to, it's time to kick back more. These past two days have been tiring, but fulfilling.

Definitely a kickstart to exercise, all that stretching to clean hard-to-reach places. Speaking of which, it's time to start *gets lazy ass off couch and whines*

Gosh, everyone's out and about these days. Doncha haveta clean your room or spend family/friend/alone time?

Bought a present today (pointless if you know what is already is) and spent some fun time, very very fun time :) Walk walk West Mall and dropped dead at home.

Been to the hair salon for the first time in my life. So comfy i could've fallen asleep. And yes, I do like the final product. Not much of a drastic change, but definitely an interesting experience and a lighter head. A new long fringe, layered hair and shortened. When I'm ready for a drastic change, then i will be ready, just not now.

How do you tell your mum you like going to the hair salon? And hurt her self-esteem, pride in being able to cut hair and rob her wallet of 12 more dollars.

Ohwell, off to bed and to Stephanie's tomorrow.

Labels: Real Life, What's up or new, WhatcausesJoy

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time


So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while


I'll hop into a race car out of the school and wave goodbye to the yellow, orange and orange building (dammit, paint it a different colour!). And i'll wave to the people inside......


"SEE YA SUCKAS!!!!!"


THE O'S HAVE ENDED FOR ME YA'LL.

My entire existence in secondary school has ended, which leaves me great relief. I need a break, a permananent one frm secondary school. Sure the memories are great and all, but the pain of realisation isn't worth going through again. We've learnt what we gotta learn, so let's move on. And if you can help it, be happy about it, of which both i glady oblige.

Oh well, even though I didn't breathe the huge sigh of relief or join in the yays, or laugh at the bio students, I was pretty disappointed with the last paper. God save the corn. Fret fret fret, that's what I did.

Anyway, I'm going to start blogging (hopefully) everyday for my days of freedom. Entertaining, thoughtful quirky banter dished in a lovely accent.

So... no more worrying. I gotta reassure myself that no matter the outcome, there's still a big Plan for me to follow, just that I don't know what it is yet, but I can find out.

And in this span of time, I'll be going on a journey (not to Vietnam), but one of self-discovery, now that I can impart my time fully to what I love. Plus finding out what else I'm good at :)

On the upside, NO MORE JURONG SECONDARY SCHOOL! YES MUAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

*pops champagne and bathes in it*

I shall now gloat about how wonderful it is to be O-U-T.

No more stifling shit, no more getting screwed by the same few system and the same old system (even if im gonna get screwed worse, a change is good), freedom from stress of studying, no more juggling things that make my head ache, going out with friends and contacting them so I won't miss them so much, freedom to blog, an open voice to talk talk talk freely without feeling I'm watched by CCTV, all da bitching to be done, ...

no more stresses about getting stepped on, walked over, or people feeling like I'm walking over them, no more of such misunderstandings after I've understood myself more, ...

starting anew, afresh, FRESH AIR, doing what i wanna do, believing in myself that I'm worth more than I step on myself for, so much living to compensate, a REAL HOLIDAY esp after the past 10 years of my life, so much life to live, so much hope and light at the edge of the world,...

an identity, confidence, laughing,...

knowing that I've gained more than the people who have gained short-term, no more shit jobs that don't pay me a single cent but screw me in every way, no more injustice as I know of (in this school lahs), a newer, brighter future to look forward to, long and short term, no more biased crap passed off as excellence,...

Shaking away the chains and escaping unceremoniously,

I feel like Mas Selamat.

Plug your toilets people. I might escape.

Freedom to be as crazy as I want to be.

My library fine of ... 60 cents is settled. -_- I thought it would come up to a few dollars. Sorry yo, Hairil, had I known it was 60cents I wouldn't have insisted you paid one-third of it. Sowie.

Note: Do not take the sentences below too seriously

*drama queen fit*
I shall rip out the little square on my uniform and stomp it flat on the dust! now DIE DIE DIE!!!

Celebrate, tear up your entry proof, burn your books, anyting to celebrate, though today I didn't properly celebrate for the ending of O's.

No regrets.

*flips hair*

*walks away*

Labels: Accomplishments, Essence of Sprouting, Real Life, Secondary School Life, What's up or new, WhatcausesJoy

You know how you gotta update your look once in a while?

Yup, after my O's im gonna get a new look! Mmm, so I know I'll have a fringe for sure. Completely straight and flat (yup, fringes that pop out don't work for everyone, sure my primary school classmates can vouch for that)

Just cos I looked "cute" then it doesn't mean the look will work for me now okay.. I've erm, grown up. (not a lot)

Not too excited about looking like someone else.

And being told "HEY YOU KNOW ARH YOU LOOK LIKE (fill in the blanks, lols you guys should know lah)."


It's like, why doesn't anyone tell her "YOU KNOW YOU LOOK LIKE CONSTANCE OMG YOU'RE SO LUCKY WHY CAN'T I BE YOU!"

Okok, jkjk. Indulging in my inner diva. If Beyonce's Sasha Fierce, Mariah ey is, well Mariah Carey, hmmm..... Ya, people never look like me. I look like so-and-so.


Yeah!

1)Lady Gaga:

Fringe and retro hair sloping at the ends. 70s glam, 80s vogue? Mhmm, of course in the natural black-brownness of my hair.

Yeah, that's her brand of music. Considerably visual and slightly strange. Like a hammer smashing a huge ice block is "breaking the ice" and having pretend sex with an inflatable float is called "humpback whale".

But her presentation of pop music is interesting though. One of the few dance songs that I actually enjoy. "Just Dance"



2)The latest Christina Aguilera:
http://www.tu.tv/videos/christina-aguilera-vma-2008


Haven't been able to found a still picture, but it's long, layered with a flat fringe. Futuristic technica, cue synchonised dancing and Andy Warhol pop art. Yup, planning to be as colourful and bold as that. Flashlights, silver and black.

Ready to save the world in my new hair.


3)Cleopatra

Halloween might be over, but we all love Cleo anyway. Of course, only a few people can pull off exotica. And I'm doubting I'm one of those people. C'mon, look at that fringe! Risky! Haha, at this rate am I going to layer my hair? Cut yes, layer.. maybe not so much.

Doubt I can do the gold-plated braids though.

That's Elizabeth Taylor as Cleo. Legendary beauty and screen actress.

Hha, what's up with the eye makeup for all 3 candidates anyway? They don't look the same by the way. Getting tired of my Shakira-esque do. Not much a do, but she did have the same hair before.

Shakira

Yup, the closest picture I could find. 1996 Shakira, singer-songwriter, rock more than pop. Yup, latina women change their hair all the time. Authentic stay-true-to-yourself look, anti-mass influence look.

Which I have been sticking to quite some time now.

Maybe ...

Without the purple. Las de la Shakira. (she's the one in black)

Haha well I have been against mass trends though, takes away individuality doesn't it? A stump of ponytail in 2006 is not a ponytail. It's a pathetic excuse for tie-able hair. Sorry, but it is.

Now that people are into long flowing hair, I happen to be chopping it off. Unintentionally though.

Ah well, gotta stick out and be one in a million.

Do post your opinion in the tag box! xD

Labels: Real Life, WhatcausesJoy

Disclaimer: Slightly random post which is quite nonsensical, so if you're a minor celeb or a race queen, don't be offended.

LOL, I had no idea. (overused phrase)

I feel extremely clueless. This morning, there was erm a bunch of people, like the amount of people in a small protest, in white and black, and they're congregating at the ground floor of my block.

My parents say a celebrity resides in the same block, then "din dei". Gee, I've lived here for 9 years and I don't know anything about this, or seen anyone famous. Must be really blur.

Unless of course the celebrity is really a nobody, maybe in my eyes, since I don't think any Singaporean celeb is worth fangirling over. Or I haven't watched TV in a loooong time. LOL, dumbass stalkers. Pick a more famous stalkee.

Ah well, besides that, I read the Saturday papers on a Sunday morning. So much for the F1. Sex sells. Real fast. The booty and the bonnet makes good business, try saying that real fast :) haha, damn the picture on LIFE! with all the race queens on it (international blend), some of them look like transvetites oh gawsh. Too much makeup doesn't help. Less is More, darlings.

The highest paid race queens are rather well... lucrative. 3000 bucks for hanging around the race track in a short skirt and tiny top. Guys -_- A no-brainer really, at most you just get to do is wave the flag and don't stand in the way of the racing cars. And be leggy and have a substantial top half of body.

You know what they say, beauty and brains make little company nowadays. No lah, just kidding. Shakespeare's line was: Reason and Love keep little company. Still, I don't get it. If they were really smart and successful at something else, they probably wouldn't resort to being worth as much as a racecar.

Kinda like talent shows: People with no talent go talent shows cos they're not very good at anything else. Cos if they were that good, they wouldn't be wasting their time slogging through a competition, they'd be focusing on the thing that they're really good at. So much for "Oh I'm an undergrad and I'm doing this for a once-in-a-lifetime experience and I love racing". It's hard to take someone like this seriously when they're posing in a tube top and short skirt.

Still, unless they needed the money, why would they let people they don't know look at them like that? Of course, some do enjoy the attention, not all of course.

Same goes for FHM girls. If they were really smart, why would they feel compelled to project their images and bodies in such an unclassy manner? If you're really good at modelling, try fashion magazines then. Why a men's magazine and it's like, being marketed as a sex object. So much for dignity.
And making sushi behind a glass panel in your lingerie in the middle of Orchard Road doesn't count either.

Heavily modified Lamborghinis, heavily modified girls. Just as race cars and racers alike will have fans and critics, so will the race queens. They're girls, not women. It's like, models backstage before going on a runway, they're always addressed as girls.

Still, car models and race queens, when being put alongside commercial cars or race cars, their status becomes the same of that of the product that the company is selling. Specifically, it is such models even though many products are advertised with females. That's because they dress in such a way that it's titillating so that the formula goes: Guys see car, feel the urge to buy. Girls flash, guys decide on buying.

Apparently, the article also had someone attending the F1 saying that people are of course not there for the well-endowed cars, but also the well-endowed girls. How much are they worth now? To be looked at like a product instead of a human being. Maybe just a sales technique.

Appearance-based, and they're always behind the glass of a shop window. Lack of individuality and brains. Being sexy, like what J.Lo (Hello, it's J.Lo) says, is to withhold something special back, not give it all away. And it sure doesn't mean whoring oneself out.

Men will be men (Changing them is impossible. If it wasn't, Playboy wouldn't be circulating now) Ladies have a choice on how they want to project themselves on the other hand.

I'm Done (for).

Labels: Family, Real Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, What's up or new

Ever heard of Kylie Minogue's Chocolate from her 2003 album Body Language? That was before she had breast cancer, but that's besides the point. I'm glad she's back and definitely electrifying and magnetic. Go Kylie.

Kylie Minogue - Chocolate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1LOSQ6wSmw

Fragile seams
I opened up too quick and all my dreams
Were walking out i'd slowly
Lost my fire
With every single man a river cried

I had no sensation
Completely numb, left with no satisfaction
I thought no-one could ever get me high again
I swear, I was not looking

Oh, waited so long
I thought the real thing was a fake
I thought it was a tool to break me down
You proved me wrong again

[Chorus]
If love were liquid it would drown me

In a placeless place would find me then

Melt me slowly down

In a heart shape come around me and

If love were human it would know me
In a lost space come and show me
Hold me and control me and then
Melt me slowly down
Like chocolate

Tastes so good
My heart's been mended who'd have thought it would
An empty bet and still I won the cash
A man who I love and who
Loves me back

Oh, waited so long
For love to heal me so I'd feel it
Thought it wasn't breathing then you came
You proved me wrong again

[Chorus]

Like chocolate come here
Zoom in, catch the smile
There's no doubt it's from you
And I'm addicted to it now

Just one look boy to melt me down
Just one heart here to save me now
Your candy kisses are sweet I know
Hold me tight baby don't let go

[Repeat]

[Chorus]

If love were liquid it would drown me
In a placeless place would find me
In a heart shape come around me and then
Melt me slowly down
Like chocolate

Listening to the song itself, it really well.. sounds like a sweet addiction, or if sex could be translated into a song, it would probably sound like that (not that I know it will sound like that lah!)

With Kylie's wispy vocals (which Mythili says it's the same noise you get when you pinch a baby), and the perfect blend of pop music, it's like you'll find yourself absorbed into the content of the song. Like... being drowned in a pool of warm, smooth, sticky high-grade chocolate. Ooh and it has this numbing, heavy, lingering, anaesthetic smell that punctures all your senses.

Sounds like alcohol. They have chocolate filled with alcohol anyway. In my previous post, I said I don't touch alcohol in itself (which means it would exclude yummy yummy food like herbal chicken), which points to mhmmm I don't know, vodka?

It's like, when you change the context of the song, alcohol becomes like the love Kylie is singing about, or the chocolate that she's having that really tastes like love. I suppose people who take alcohol, appreciate it, REALLY REALLY appreciate it *ahem* or just try it out of curiosity might feel this way, since I wouldn't know just yet.

Skipping the part on how alcohol is good for you, bad for you, or the fact that you're an underage drinker, I'm not really gonna talk about that since it's your life and how you wanna run it is your business.

What's really fascinating and disturbing is the addiction.

Perhaps being at this age, lack of understanding from erm, life experiences, and the fact that I don't want to think about this now, I can't really describe an addiction except through analogies. Well when I do get an answer I'll update.

What I think an addiction is:

you try it for the first time -> you can choose to like it or not -> you end up wanting another go at it whether you like it or not -> because somehow it does something for you, even if you say, no, just by going back, something is definitely ticking -> you have it a few more times -> you keep coming back for more, whether it makes sense to you or not, sometimes subconciously -> addiction?

The effects vary of course. But I'm guessing how it pretty much goes in the process.

Mhmm, just by ordinary everyday speech and emotional reactions, even if we don't really know the person, we can somehow tell what their lives are like behind the facade we see. And of course, whether we choose to close one eye or not is up to us.

History Lesson:

The USSR under Gorbachev continues an anti-alcohol campaign which is hugely unpopular with the ordinary Russians, especially when vodka is the only way they can get plentiful, cheap and an escape from the misery of living under a Communist regime.

It is met with a lot of opposition, and I suppose if my class had a say, Gorbachev would lose his presidential post even more (which he did).

I wouldn't say who, but by the angsty posts when I blog-hop (nothing in the Net is ever private), making observations of them going "WHY WOULD THEY BAN VODKA?!", or maybe a trip down to the supermarket and being asked how to pronounce "Bacardi" and watching someone get fascinated by the alcohol shelf... secretly whining for an older person to buy some off the shelf.

Well, like I said, even if you don't take it regularly, simply by wanting more of it when its access is restricted to you... or not, isn't that already an addiction since it's clear that a dependence on alcohol has been formed.

Doesn't help that you're only 16.

Apparently, it's a mental thing. Is it an emotional state of mind? I don't know. I'm not stopping anyone here, unless they're my 16-year-old friends. For one thing, I care. Ignore this message if you think I'm talking crap, but if you're specifically a friend of mine, you'd better listen to what I have to say. As far as I'm concerned, it's an obligation of mine that I'll have to tell you this, but whether any of you are going to listen, it's a personal choice.

Wanting lots of booze, damn doesn't it sound destructive? Yup I don't really care if I sound like a virginal geek now. So what if I am? I understand the implications of posting this on non-private cyberspace, and yeah, this is my blog. Welcome if you haven't realised.

Whether you think this is a bad thing or not, and that you can get off the hook cos, c'mon, you're not really addicted, and it just makes you forget all your troubles when the stuff trickles down your throat.

HUH? CONTRADICTION MUCH! It's like saying, I don't need it, oh wait I do, I don't want it, oh yeah can I have some now?

Get it?

Precisely it is the dependence that's really scary. A little once in a while is fine (as long as you're legal), but you're not. There's a reason why it's imposed on the underage. Besides preventing lawlessness, it's like a barrier that doesn't want you to feel a need for it at such an age, when you're physically and mentally developing.

Logically, it does make some sense because when you think of it. Like how there are laws against sexual activity for and with minors.

Besides the socio-economic factors, there is also the question of whether the teen is ready for marriage and sex. Not like people don't know how to have sex (that's why the Internet was invented). it also has to do with the mental development. The logical side isn't as developed as the emotional side of the brain and the physical development.

Hypothesising, the same goes for alcohol. People depend on alcohol when they're getting on their years because it energizes them, or relaxes them, or when they're old enough to handle it and not abuse it (unfortunately many adults haven't grown up either).

Being a teen and making comparisons to say, people in their 20s, 30s, 40s etc., it's obvious that teens have a natural revitaliser that works a lot better than older people, why else would they yearn to be 16 again, taking O's, and up and about for the whole day and not feeling as tired as they would at their ages?

Like how I don't do skincare products except for cleanser and in the future, pimple cream, I don't wish for my skin to get so pampered by the products that it can't start working it's natural magic for me when it actually has the ability to. By having that dependence, a sudden lack of NIVEA hand cream etc. might cause some side effects since you're so used to it.

Or who knows, your natural revitaliser wouldn't work as well as it should.

Addiction's still the worst, you want more when you don't need it. Gonna carry this for the rest of your life? Also, if you start something unsuitable earlier in life, most likely it's going to have some consequences in your later life.

Bristol Palin, Jamie Lynn Spears (who cares, they're rich), mhm Lindsay Lohan? She had too much of fame in her younger years, and it's so obvious she can't handle it. Consequence: Her fortune's squandered away already.

10 years from now, I wouldn't want to hear of anyone I know pulling a Christopher Lee. I'd rather be an unknown loser rather than an infamous character.



Liking alcohol is one thing, though I wouldn't encourage liking it now. Of course, moderation is another. Uh-uh, by wanting more even if you don't get to drink it that often is not moderation, it's already in your head that if you can have more, you would. Moderation is only when you get to freely drink it, then you make a concious choice to balance your intake.

Labels: Essence of Sprouting, Questions, Real Life

This is bad. I have to stop this. Let me entertain you with my intelligent, quirky banter in a narration of today's events, that will somehow link to your lives through mine. Go storytelling.

Woke up at 7 to sms HuiJuan about Physics lesson, cos I'm not going to be late again (like I have been for all my Physics lessons on Saturdays), especially not 1 plus hour. Drifted back and forth to sleep wondering if she'll sms back, keeping me on the edge of "Should I skip this or not?".

Why I'm a bad student

1. Why wake up on a Friday morning during a holiday to go all the way to school?

2. My SPA file is less than ready. (Guilty as charged) Yeah... I'll probably end of doing copies of SPAs I didn't bother to dig out.

3. When I get there, I'd probably feel like tearing my test to shreds cos it wouldn't make the least sense to me.

4. Falling asleep in class sounds tempting, might as well snuggle up in my nice warm bed.

5. Don't think I'll understand everything that Mr Ng will talk about, the rest of the class will be like "OOOOOOOOO~" and Hui Juan will be like "But why?!!" and I'll be like "Relax, it's probably *crap explanation*, I dunno *slips into lalaland*" . Then Mr Ng will be slapping his forehead (inwardly, i can read teachers okay.) and say erm... logic governed by the laws of Physics that don't make any sense.

Why I'm a good student

1. I can't stay in bed past 10 or 11 anymore, and have the temptation to slip back into sleep. Being forced to go to school is a good thing. No more of such terrible habits that spring their ugly head during holidays.

2. I'll feel really really really bad about skipping. My conscience wouldn't forgive me for snubbing Mr Ng like I was some kind of diva by turning up fashionably late (it's never fashionable to be late though...no matter how late I turn up, I do understand this and try my best to get my lazy ass off the bed), or not turning up at all (it really bugs me, especially if I know I did have control over my actions, it's not like I was knocked out completely. I was half-awake at 7 for goodness sake)

3. Kept awake by the word to be a good girl, and it doesn't help that it so happened to be the birthday of the friend my mouth had to open and say "okok I'll try". As again, I was half-awake. It's a concious effort.

4. Damn, I have to stop saying things I might not be able to fulfil. I made a big big promise (to Someone more important of course, so going to need all the help I can get) to take care of myself. And going for Physics is like, a huge neon sign going blink blink "What are you waiting for? Get off the bed you... sloth? (so my friends, do not commit one of the seven deadly sins, especially if you have control over yourself)". Oh yeah... running from temptation is definitely better than resisting it headfirst.

5. If I never went, I'll never know. He might not ask for the SPA file, I'll magically know how to save my Physics test (fat chance), Data Source questions are actually my thing and I can do them so much better than Literature (sarcasm to be taken at the fullest). Or I can mooch off Hui Juan's data source and expect myself to understand everything that he says.

6. Maybe there'd be so little people turning up he wouldn't even touch SPA or Data Source. *crosses fingers* Eventually, I'll have to do both anyways, if not today, next next week in school. Worst still, have the test when I go back to school staying back like a sucker.

You can guess which was it that I picked. For the 17 other classmates that turned up that is.

Amazingly, simply because within the time I waited anxiously for Hui Juan's sms, and never once hoping that Mr Ng would cancel the lesson, being thrown back and forth to sleep and my conflicting thoughts, simply on whether I should turn up or not, would lead me to a descision that I should fulfil if not for anyone else, myself.

I guess it's a good thing I was unable to fully go back to sleep after 7am messaging Hui Juan. Simply from that one hour of questioning the 2 sides in my head, I guess it's brought home a bigger conflict that goes beyond going for Physics lesson on a Friday morning in September's bestest non-school week, which I guess I've got that covered.

Well... Physics was just a test and going through of the test, after that consultation which I didn't stay for, since I came empty handed for consultation materials. No SPA file, no Data Source (oh yeah!) *uncrosses fingers*

Despite being groggy, it's quite impressive that I'd probably have scored the same (as badly) as when I'm fully awake. At least I didn't panic ... just stare at the paper and reason with the little I remember, before deciding Faraday's Law (the only thing I really studied) would come into handy. Still can't believe I scored full for a.c generator when I don't know all the shit about it.

(I've never had alcohol as itself, though don't partake in vodka, bacardi, booze etc. will explain this later). Like being all groggy, half-asleep, half-dreaming, like running through virtual reality, all detached and pale. Sniffling and my mucus tap just won't turn off, my hair looking sick, yup sick. I'm more inaudible than usual, mumbling things that I don't hear and expect fully of others to hear it. And I feel like I can push my hand into anyone's face just to shut them up.

Mhmm hmmm girl you gotta stop this. I know I can't wake up every morning like I've gotten a hangover though I've never drank before. I guess the bigger conflict resolved would be knowing that besides laziness, it is just the fact that I don't want to get up at all cos getting up just reminds me of a school day where there's so much shit ahead.

I'm not a morning person, and it certainly isn't one of those rare days when I get up and say "Today, I shall conquer the world".

I suppose the reason why I don't want to go to sleep would be that it would be ending my favourite part of the day, which involves no school and no stress, well not a lot of it anyway. (This is after much thought. Not very much an excuse to me)

Time to stop running away. I guess I just gotta let it stop getting to me and biting me in the ass. Maybe that's why I had to make that promise - I never trusted myself to overcome this demon alone because it sure goes beyond liking to hibernate. More of the alluring comfort of sleep, that when I'm in a different realm, at least the subconcious where no one can touch me.

Perhaps because I felt so weak wanting to keep this to myself and not talk about it that I've never really given it much thought. You don't say prayers without a reason and I suppose when I was half-asleep, I've been wanting some help with this. And there the promise slips through my lips, since I know I won't ever be alone on this.

There's a whole day ahead for me to go after, and too much sleep will deprive that.

Goodnight and Good Morrow.

Labels: Accomplishments, Blogs, Essence of Sprouting, Questions, Quirks, Real Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, Teen Angst

This is a blog post for the sanity of us all.

Anyway darlings, this is for you too. Just so happened today I'm shifted to the back of the class, after the previous seat arrangement with lots of grievances involved. However, when I'm back with Sharon, it means I let my guard down and start giving off a dangerous vibe. Otherwise known as "emo-ing".

I hope I didn't scare Don too much, really I don't mind sitting next to you, in fact it's my pleasure to sit next to an untidy math nerd/pro (yeah.. your math skills are just as ... distinguishable as your handwriting, no one really beats you at this!) REALLY! If you're reading this: You'll get to know me better, and I'm harmless when I emo...well at least it wouldn't be directed at the parties not involved. See I'm a good girl.

So there, emo-ing in my seat cos I was feeling frustrated at everything, especially the shit of kinematics (settled today by my wonderful, preetyful, smartass Grace LOVEYOU i can't survive without you oh great lifeline paid 50 bucks per 2hours to be forced to sit next to me). Well, Math's gonna give me a brain tumour soon. Seething emotions and a headache, like when Gek Kim doesn't get the debate motion after more than half an hour, which by the way is 'Non-biodegradable materials should be charged more in consumption'. And some other issues that seem like such a waste of time.

It's the idea of how Prelims is in 20 days, O's in 75 days that really scare the shit out of me, and yeah I felt like breaking down during Amath. I wonder if it's a mental thing to feel like I'm not doing anything though I'm trying.

Anyway, thinking of how many other must feel the same way, I guess what we can do is be mutually supportive in every way we can... Okay that sounds so MsOng.

Since I'm currently unable to spend my time with you guys (aww), but here it is anyway... Will be updating on individual dedications like everyone's doing. I'm jumping on the bandwagon to spread the loooove. Do follow the link :) Yeah it means this much that i'm posting both the vid and the lyrics, don't disappoint me! GOGOGO!!

Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWixUIMTjYc

Lyrics:

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Yeah...Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall


Yup... That's about it, shall blog more about this, plus the dedications tomorrow... Just some things I wanted to say but couldn't. Yeah and now I do love Christina Aguilera, don't care if some people find her annoying. I just like her vocals and strength. As usual.

Goodnight! I shan't be late tomorrow... corright Mr Ang? (Damn he still has hallucinations about me being late and starts lecturing me!)

Labels: Darkness, Essence of Sprouting, Friends, Real Life, Teen Angst

Changed my blogskin! Yup, definitely a breather from the bandwidth
exceeded photobucket shit. GRR! Ah well, I've grown to like my new skin already. At first I was so pissed off at blogskins cos there wasn't any skin that really appealed to me.

The basic writing styles etc. wouldn't change (back to skimming through my blog posts), but I guess from here, it would take a more analytical, 3rd party, Freudian perspective. Like I said, "more". :) I ain't going nowhere. Not planning to!

BTW, I'm not emo in this post, haha you should know me. Just being contemplative here.

Well it's just that some serious things happened lately, and by 'serious' it really is an understatement. *shifty* Just didn't know how much it snowballed. So there, I'm using this bloggy to do reflecting and all, so be happy Ms Ong. (don't come here after I've graduated thank you! I still need you and your impression of me to write my testimonial HEHEH)

Come on over, come on over baby.

Personally, I feel that because of my ambiguity (well more so than others), I really do leave it up to people to decide who I am, as in what they think of me. So, they just map out a picture of what they think, and react accordingly. Ah well, as much as it's not been an easy ride this way, at least it's told me who I can really trust to give me hand to, and take their hands. Again it's up to them to think if it's their loss or gain.

Suddenly I have to face the fact that I've a lot more internal and external mazes that I'd like to face up to. So yeah, a lot has got to do with perspective, from the most subliminal to the blatant. Tough nut to crack eh?

It's just, I had no idea that things snowballed to this state today, it's almost subconcious. Haha, this would be a good time to say that I might be taking drama too seriously. Wait, everyone's got drama in their lives.

Take acting.

There's the actor who just does whatever the director says.
There's the actor who goes against the director and does her own thing like a freaking diva. (Please don't bring Queenie into this! I'm the biggest diva here can!*flips hair* Check me out Queenie! I can do this hair flipping thing better than you can rock your silver strappy attention-deficit sandals)

See!! RAWR that's what I mean.

Then there's the director who's pretty much blur on how to do blocking, deal with difficult actors, then just decides "Let's just get this over with" and does a shitty job.
Or the perfectionist director who's getting walked over by everything. Exerting control is futile.

The frustrated senior and the impatient junior.
The perfectionist and the slacker.
The train wreck and the completely normal person.
The girl who scares Mdm Priya and also scared by her.

But I haven't lost my sense of purpose and sanity yet.. I think. Purpose definitely not. The people around me and the world, plus some reflections have settled that. Thank you guys (: For you all mean so much to me, I've gone to this extent.

Time for the tough to get going!

(And yes, I will do what I have to do. Sounds familiar, Sec3s? Look I'm doing it too!)

That aside, DAMNIT I WAS LATE TODAY. Woke up at the same time, stood at the bus stop at the same freaking time, maybe even earlier. 3 buses went by cause of the crowd... GRR. Darn, it's always the adults (at my stop) that are the frigging hell most kiasu ones. I can't tell you how many times i got shoved, pushed, ignored and treated like... just so they can get on the bus first, though we've been waiting earlier. We gots to go to school people. LOL, trying to beat the ERP is it? Damn, and to think the school always gets complaint letter about teens. Sure they're inconsiderate but not all of us. Uncivilised? We're not always in the wrong dammit. Look at yourselves. Yes it's coming from a teenager, call me defiant and rebellious and I haven't got parents for nuts. I'm just stating a fact.

Okay la, that's not the reason why I'm late. It's just 3 buses too crowded.. so it wasn't really my day. But I'm not gonna ruin it. :)

Hmm, I wonder if some teachers got something against me already. Ah well, I try to stay out of shit anyway. HOHO I CAN READ YOUR CUES PEOPLE. So yeah, i realised that whether or not you get punished for latecoming is mostly due to the teacher's mood. Observe.

Teachers in bad mood usually seem like they're having menopause (for women) or men-opause(for men) Thank you Shawn for this bit of info. I do feel sorry for you knowing an old man in his mid life crisis having problems with that. Would a gynae help?

Well...
They almost seem like Christopher Boone. 3 red cars makes it a good day. 5 yellow cars is a black day. Seriously! Like, 3 strikes and you're out. 3 good things happened to me before 7.25 and you're all scot-free.

Good mood: HELLO STUDENTS! Ya, what to do, the bus like that today! All write a complaint letter to SBS okay! For 45 years, and still like that. We have a world class service, so we should do something about it.

Me (under my breath, deadpan stare): Sure... world class service. Like what happened when mas selamat escaped. They're not going to respond to some dumbass letter. Hundreds of these must've been written 45 years ago, don't you think so too, Mr Ang? Common sense, I might be late, but I'm not as tired as I seem.

Who knows we can do another musical about his capture 45 years later to celebrate: Our Pride, Our Toilets.

Bad Mood: Today would be a splendid example.

Now I know how it feels like to be in one of those war movies where Jews and their buddies get locked up in Naze concentration camps, ooh ohh with an oversized Nazi prison warden too! With a deep scary voice, and a burly physique. Well, today I was 10 minutes late. Sat with Anjelica at the latecomers parade, human zoo, museum, whatever you want to call it. It's a free exhibit where people can go tsktsktsk, make dumb comments, or laugh and wave HI! to the exhibits and hope they respond. HI SHAWN! YOU SAW US TODAY! *waves*

Anyway, saw Huiyi, Syafiqah, Ann Perng etc. too... haha not me alone. Ah well, at least i didn't waste 55cents more than those people who chose to switch to 154 thought they would most likely be late. Well, let's put things into context.

We were living in fear and boredom, just chatting, thinking of the optimisms and downs in life... then the warden came. Silence. Then an order to have a small space, with a specific distance from the other souls. Some barking, discussing with a higher-up, seperating the persistent cases ... and then the meting out of the physical labour.

I sigh and I would rather be let back into my ghetto. C'mon it's bad enough to be there, here too?! 1 round around the camp within a stipulated time. Making the best out of it, Anj and I took our time and laughed our asses off. She was to lose an important personal possesion because of the sweat from her forehead wasn't very friendly.

Yippee, sentenced to another round. (damn, haven't done running in sucha long time)

Oh come on, it's so... freaking alike, except that the context is different. We get cleaned up and I went for English class 40 minutes late. So tempted to tell Mdm Priya that I went for a trip to the Nazi camp, then decided to tell her I was late. Ruined the fun.

Wow, I realised that I'm becoming a lot more harsh and critical about things, rather than choosing to sit on the fence... Guess I just can't shut up anymore. LOL, my mouth isn't likely to take a holiday anytime soon.

Like what Mark Lee said:

Actually I was very quiet in primary school, but when I went to secondary school, i discovered the joy of talking. And I haven't stopped since.

OH MY!

Labels: Darkness, Essence of Sprouting, Real Life, Secondary School Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, Teen Angst, To-do list

'Mocha Chocolatta ya ya, Creole Lady Marmalade"

Gotta love the food references. A lady called Marmalade. She goes well with your toast. And look, she comes with a mocha chocolatta latte.

Haha, like how Scarlett is a name asking to be raped.

It's gonna have a terse tone.

Darn, I let many days pass me by without blogging, and it just so happened that so many things ... well happened. Will be catching up on those though. So here's the latest thing that came into the mind, along with swimming in a chocolate pool. I'm so fidgety these days. Yeah must have something to do with Shawn being vice-Pres. I'm so restless and I can't read an essay properly without getting distracted. (ya maybe ms phua can have something to say about this) Been like this the whole morning and now I'm still twitching in my seat when I couldn't stand still just now. - eats more chocolate - - drinks more coffee - - caffeine overload - - sugar rush-

Well let's explore the cause of my abnormality, despite my usual .. abNORMAL SELF. Have this strange itch to disturb everyone I see.
I want a Macadamia Muffin. (okay random)

Let's see. 745-845 English lesson with Miss Phua and the all the English pros in JSS. The best of the best, the cream of the crop, erm erm the nut in the chocolate. For nuts-with-chocolate lovers, this bunch of people make the school academia look good. Adds extra taste and finer quality, plus something new. For people allergic to nuts in chocolate, or have a distaste for ruining the original taste, this bunch of people try to hog all the attention? Ruin everything? Such that good, solid chocolate doesn't have so much space cos all the bits and pieces, or huge bits and pieces of nuts are overcrowding the area in the entire chocolate bar.

Just put that into perspective ... think somehow any situation fits whatever people are experiencing now. Okay wonder how I managed to link academics to chocolate, from an original topic of hyperactivity.

Anyway, understandably people are pissed about the English banding. Then again, who wouldn't feel pissed. Like classing students out. WOW i can't imagine if the classed us for Math. The humiliation (don't get me started on the damned INTERGRATION test. WHO GIVES A (censored) ABOUT INTEGRATION?). Was so pissed off during the Math study camp anyways.

Digression: Why is it that I can study my arse off and I just don't get it! LIFE SUCKS. It's like, I'm always asking Sharon how to do this, how to do that. So annoying (prob to her. Sharon im so sorry) and so paiseh (me lah). Why is it that everyone gets things so much faster than me?! Feeling like I'm on one of my frustrated modes again. It just won't leave me alone, since kindergarten for God's sake.

Anyways, I know some things the teacher does is bound to piss some people off. Haiz, I don't know what to feel. First the favouritism and the stress of being in such a class with the elites, like I'm not willing to share all my ideas, thinking that they'd be disrespected anyway. (bad experiences. had lit with the elites before. hey it rhymes, but it sure doesn't take away the bad taste in my mouth). Then the stress from all the structure of "The Ultimate Essay". Why should we have all these imposed on us? If people really are this good, they should come up with their own ideas, not everyone jumping on the bandwagon. Like an abortion plotline for the compo "Loss".

Well of course, there's always the contradiction. Do I want to be on the favoured side? I can't answer that, but it sure is convenient. And yeah, since people have been saying this about me, well I can't control what other people's actions are, except my own. So don't you get all flustered at me and think that I did something when you weren't looking. (sad case, the people i trust the most in school before and now thought so)

Still remembered this point of time when i was yearning for a 4-3 English lesson with Mrs Aidil again. COME BACK TO ME! NOOOOO WHY DID YOU LEAVE US!

I do admire those that write for the sake of a good essay, rather than hankering after an A1, determined by what the marker wants to see. Why conform, when you can explore and discover so much more? This way, essays won't ever be a chore. Well at least a bore. Gotta love the originality too :) even if the idea of a love-based story in a tsunami setting seems laughable.

So there... now you know. Specifically, today we were told to write an essay within 45 minutes. So you gotta concentrate, right? Sweet irony, the teacher talks about techniques from one person's essay for 45 minutes, expects you to copy down, and somehow finish the essay she told you to write a few minutes ago. Then when you say you can't finish it, hand in on Monday, she says "Like this you will keep on stretching the date! Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday..."

You get the gist. Of course, there's always an element of maintaining individuality. I don't want to be like the rest. Surely there must be other ways of getting an A1! EMBRACE THE NON-CONFORMITY! Okay, too much sugar. Or frustration for that matter. It's fighting the pressure to be the same, and I'm losing my concentration on the process.

I pledge allegiance to the underworld
One nation under dog
There of which I stand alone
A face in the crowd
Unsung, against the mold
Without a doubt
Singled out
The only way I know

I'm getting into my Sec 1 stress again. Feeling the stress of being different, and first glimpse at how people turn up their noses. Who would've known that it would continue till now? Wait, I had known anyway.

Stepped out of the line
Like a sheep runs from the herd
Marching out of time
To my own beat now
The only way I know

Sometimes I feel like I'm the chocolate with nuts, sometimes I feel like the chocolate without nuts. (Anjelica don't think horny) Or I'm looking at the chocolate with nuts, or the chocolate without nuts.

Nah, I'll always be the macadamia muffin. :)

Ending Note: To all of the musical cast/chorus/everyone, thank you for the memories that we created from scratch. Yup we sure did watch our seed of a musical grow. Day by day, inch by inch, little by little, the magic shows~ Especially you muffins. Ya, so I won't miss the guys as much cos they're don't have a muffin name, because guys have no muffins.

There I've said it. It's just the caffeine talking.

Really!

Labels: Accomplishments, Real Life, Secondary School Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, Teen Angst, What's up or new

LOOK A PICTORIAL POST! FINALLY!

Labels: Friends, Real Life, To be a Child, To-do list, What's up or new, WhatcausesJoy

Hey now I''m hanging out at StephL's. Hmm, JCs aren't really that reliable, seriously. Take a certain JC, leadership things over grades? Gee I don''t know, plus I've had enough of cheena school environments that are boring. stuffy, and not a hotbed for creativity. In fact, it can literally be a thriving ground for communistic tendencies of keeping a propagandish media, say China/Russia/North Korea/Myanmar? Food for thought.


Besides, i seriously doubt their student welfare. Gosh i can't live with that. I've had enough of this, seriously, ever since pri.sch. Like, the people at the top just care about you giving academic achievements to the school, or those cca awards etc. This shouldn't be the case la... Ever heard of nurturing learning?


Oh yeah, the school banners (not very truthful arh) are afterall school banners. How far can you trust them? Hmm, anyways, since checking out DSA for AC, I've seriously decided on poly. Even DSA Drama, gosh I had no idea the awards in their list even existed. See? So stifling xP. I'm on the side for polytechnic education. And i ain't slacker. Though poly students are a lot of hyper fun and eat a lot :p


DADP again. Gotta get past COP 12. Aim single-digit still the best, though sometimes it's kinda out of my league. Anyways, you gotta pass an aptitiude test first too. Ha, and didcha know that even if you don't have anywhere near 12, can appeal de! xP, of course not that easy la, got so many smartasses wanting to take your place. Ah well, such is the competitive world.

Singapore's environment isn't anything like the Western countries, at least not in the schools I go to or am aware of. There's actually a lot of difference. For one thing, you can choose to be an Art of Science major, and still be respected all the same. Crappy environment la .. here you study Arts and people laugh at you. And for a good reason actually, what's there to look at for Arts in Singapore? Land area too small, money no enough for Arts as much as Sciences. Seriously, I have never doubted the supply of ideas in this country. Maybe you can't be a tech hub etc. and be an art hub at the same time ... the result of wanting to mash up the two in this very small land area seems kinda wannabe-ish.

It's a bit impossible to say that Singapore is cosmoplitan like, say, London?

Oh well ... poly prepares you for the industry? Till now I don't get the differences fully, guess time will tell. :p So Mr Ng kinda wasted his breath trying to explain to me.

It's sad how some things work at times, but we're not in control. Therefore, we can only hope for the better and just laugh along with all the shit. So there, like the musical. Yeah, it's merely for publicity - the image that the school wishes to portray. Gosh I tell the hard truth, tongue-in-cheek. It's my little bit of cyberspace anyway.

Still, looking at everything in the musical, so much more can be done. Like, everything's fine actually, in fact, I happen to think that lots of people in this school are more talented than they're given credit for. It's the same as with Singapore and this school. If you keep picking from the same pool of talent that you know, and don't keep a lookout for more undiscovered raw talents, people are never gonna realise a full potential due to the vice of laziness and convenience. Then, someone else is going to pick them and give them better opportunities. And which nitwit would stay to help somebody who doesn't give a shit about them? Still wanna complain about brain drain?

Damn, it's like, so much talent with expensive help. Why throw it to waste with a crappy musical storyline? Pro-pa-gan-da. Now struggling to cover the costs? Harhar, thing is, if it was a better, different storyline, a lot of people would pay even more to see it. Rather than an hour of crap they've been told over and over again for $30. LOL, we even thought that a spoof would be worth 5o bucks and 2 shows won't be enough okay!

Sigh, gotta keep the image and the donations pouring in, right? What's the point? Tsk, some sort of giving the Arts a bigger scene. That's like saying ELDDS/any other arts group gets to have the Pulse Studio for practice sessions. Yeah, only in the case where you need us to bring home an award or something.

As much as the Alumni are probably people with small fortunes, with very traditional Chinese values, and with company names like "Tan and Ah Kow Holdings" who will be confused at something artsy and would rather watch something that they wanna see, like say, history of JSS? Gosh, I mean, what's there to brag about? Honestly! Our school history so exciting meh? xP it would be if they cared more about us. Ah, every organisation has it's flaws and preferences, yes?

What we all have in mind, is a musical that's more intelligent than that, I think. These words are my own. Wouldn't it be great if we can showcase JSS as a school that welcomes the Arts instead of the heavy censorship that blocks out the "wrong stuff"? We have to learn to laugh at ourselves, seriously. The atmosphere's too tensed and we're not getting anywhere. Art is an expression. Talent is to express what people feel effectively, yes? It's a great pity that all is going to waste. You say how you feel, not how other people want you to feel. That's what I know.

From the more pragmatic side, fine. I can be realistic too. If you get a role, yay! It's difficult to make money as an artist, that's for sure. Oh well, that's just the vision in my idealistic head. As my uncle would say, I'm too young too be pissed at such things that cannot be changed. Might as well accept. Uh uh, I won't embrace it, but make the most of it.

Next post: What's wrong in the first place? Other than all these heh heh, my rants are neverending. RARRAR

Labels: Essence of Sprouting, Questions, Quirks, Real Life, Secondary School Life, Teen Angst

identity-finder, half-thinker, thought-translater, life-pacer, adversary-fighter, grown-wiser, subtle-humour, nail-biter, indulgent-appreciator, pragmatic-dreamer, irony-murdered, unglamourous-puss, rocket-bunny

october 1st, sixteen, libran, singapore, tutor, christian, student, daughter, sister, friend, writer, artist, teenager, life, love

corny in a paradigm where sense and non sequiturs go together, taking it in like vanilla ice cream on a banana split, or sand on a boot. whichever goes.

Adelina Anjelica Cassandra Clarissa Daniel Esther E-von Geraldine Hairil HongWei Huiyi Jasmin Jasmine Jay Joseph Kenneth Marlyna Mythili Nadrah Samuel Sharon Sisi Shawn Stephanie Szeyuan Tivona YongQuan SHAKIRA Bare Feet JSS ELDDS

intricate-archiver

credit-or