Disclaimer: Slightly random post which is quite nonsensical, so if you're a minor celeb or a race queen, don't be offended.

LOL, I had no idea. (overused phrase)

I feel extremely clueless. This morning, there was erm a bunch of people, like the amount of people in a small protest, in white and black, and they're congregating at the ground floor of my block.

My parents say a celebrity resides in the same block, then "din dei". Gee, I've lived here for 9 years and I don't know anything about this, or seen anyone famous. Must be really blur.

Unless of course the celebrity is really a nobody, maybe in my eyes, since I don't think any Singaporean celeb is worth fangirling over. Or I haven't watched TV in a loooong time. LOL, dumbass stalkers. Pick a more famous stalkee.

Ah well, besides that, I read the Saturday papers on a Sunday morning. So much for the F1. Sex sells. Real fast. The booty and the bonnet makes good business, try saying that real fast :) haha, damn the picture on LIFE! with all the race queens on it (international blend), some of them look like transvetites oh gawsh. Too much makeup doesn't help. Less is More, darlings.

The highest paid race queens are rather well... lucrative. 3000 bucks for hanging around the race track in a short skirt and tiny top. Guys -_- A no-brainer really, at most you just get to do is wave the flag and don't stand in the way of the racing cars. And be leggy and have a substantial top half of body.

You know what they say, beauty and brains make little company nowadays. No lah, just kidding. Shakespeare's line was: Reason and Love keep little company. Still, I don't get it. If they were really smart and successful at something else, they probably wouldn't resort to being worth as much as a racecar.

Kinda like talent shows: People with no talent go talent shows cos they're not very good at anything else. Cos if they were that good, they wouldn't be wasting their time slogging through a competition, they'd be focusing on the thing that they're really good at. So much for "Oh I'm an undergrad and I'm doing this for a once-in-a-lifetime experience and I love racing". It's hard to take someone like this seriously when they're posing in a tube top and short skirt.

Still, unless they needed the money, why would they let people they don't know look at them like that? Of course, some do enjoy the attention, not all of course.

Same goes for FHM girls. If they were really smart, why would they feel compelled to project their images and bodies in such an unclassy manner? If you're really good at modelling, try fashion magazines then. Why a men's magazine and it's like, being marketed as a sex object. So much for dignity.
And making sushi behind a glass panel in your lingerie in the middle of Orchard Road doesn't count either.

Heavily modified Lamborghinis, heavily modified girls. Just as race cars and racers alike will have fans and critics, so will the race queens. They're girls, not women. It's like, models backstage before going on a runway, they're always addressed as girls.

Still, car models and race queens, when being put alongside commercial cars or race cars, their status becomes the same of that of the product that the company is selling. Specifically, it is such models even though many products are advertised with females. That's because they dress in such a way that it's titillating so that the formula goes: Guys see car, feel the urge to buy. Girls flash, guys decide on buying.

Apparently, the article also had someone attending the F1 saying that people are of course not there for the well-endowed cars, but also the well-endowed girls. How much are they worth now? To be looked at like a product instead of a human being. Maybe just a sales technique.

Appearance-based, and they're always behind the glass of a shop window. Lack of individuality and brains. Being sexy, like what J.Lo (Hello, it's J.Lo) says, is to withhold something special back, not give it all away. And it sure doesn't mean whoring oneself out.

Men will be men (Changing them is impossible. If it wasn't, Playboy wouldn't be circulating now) Ladies have a choice on how they want to project themselves on the other hand.

I'm Done (for).

Labels: Family, Real Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, What's up or new

Been out with the cousins yesterday. Catching up with them was a lot of fun, though not without misunderstandings (and gossiping). Ah well, I'm so darn un-fit, this is real bad, and I'm losing my patience with my goggles and water-clogged frozen ears. uhohs.

(Hmph. 16 rounds and counting in the pool damn you. Make me feel so bad about myself. And Jasmin's faster than me now NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Time to shape up! *gets fat ass off couch* Not to mention, I have 2 mugger-NJwannago-s cousins. Feelin' the pressure ya'll. *feels real inferior about wanting to take alternative route*)

The O's are in less than 2 months, 30 plus days to be exact. Time to get back to studying today. I'm going into deep thought.

So much for conflicting advice.

To do what you like to do so you won't regret (or would), or to go down the mass route (whether you will regret or not is another thing)

Wings take me higher, sky please come lower.

The swimming pool and the study room, then eventually the exam hall. What's the difference? It really makes me feel that whatever it is, I'll never have their speed, stamina or skill. Now, even our aspirations are different. Not like there's a problem with that.

I learnt to kick my legs to keep myself afloat, to breathe underwater, to make sharp turns in the water, to save myself if i was drowning, and i was pulled out of deep water twice when I couldn't rise above the surface.

The feeling of sinking is never fun. To think they were the ones to teach me how to swim. At least now, I know I would never die as quickly if i was thrown into uncharted territory.

I still find that most of the time, I'm struggling to keep myself afloat.

When can I be on par with everyone else? I don't want to lag behind. Then again, it might not be so much of a case of being like everyone else... Damn I'm confused.

I want to be my own person and find my own direction, and yet I feel that I cannot be far behind others cos I wouldn't know if it's foolproof. And yes I need it to be foolproof, its the o levels for pete's sake, not just another challenge at swimming to see who can get to the other side of the pool first.

In that case, I know I'll always be third best.

Labels: Darkness, Family, Questions, Secondary School Life

Ever heard of Kylie Minogue's Chocolate from her 2003 album Body Language? That was before she had breast cancer, but that's besides the point. I'm glad she's back and definitely electrifying and magnetic. Go Kylie.

Kylie Minogue - Chocolate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1LOSQ6wSmw

Fragile seams
I opened up too quick and all my dreams
Were walking out i'd slowly
Lost my fire
With every single man a river cried

I had no sensation
Completely numb, left with no satisfaction
I thought no-one could ever get me high again
I swear, I was not looking

Oh, waited so long
I thought the real thing was a fake
I thought it was a tool to break me down
You proved me wrong again

[Chorus]
If love were liquid it would drown me

In a placeless place would find me then

Melt me slowly down

In a heart shape come around me and

If love were human it would know me
In a lost space come and show me
Hold me and control me and then
Melt me slowly down
Like chocolate

Tastes so good
My heart's been mended who'd have thought it would
An empty bet and still I won the cash
A man who I love and who
Loves me back

Oh, waited so long
For love to heal me so I'd feel it
Thought it wasn't breathing then you came
You proved me wrong again

[Chorus]

Like chocolate come here
Zoom in, catch the smile
There's no doubt it's from you
And I'm addicted to it now

Just one look boy to melt me down
Just one heart here to save me now
Your candy kisses are sweet I know
Hold me tight baby don't let go

[Repeat]

[Chorus]

If love were liquid it would drown me
In a placeless place would find me
In a heart shape come around me and then
Melt me slowly down
Like chocolate

Listening to the song itself, it really well.. sounds like a sweet addiction, or if sex could be translated into a song, it would probably sound like that (not that I know it will sound like that lah!)

With Kylie's wispy vocals (which Mythili says it's the same noise you get when you pinch a baby), and the perfect blend of pop music, it's like you'll find yourself absorbed into the content of the song. Like... being drowned in a pool of warm, smooth, sticky high-grade chocolate. Ooh and it has this numbing, heavy, lingering, anaesthetic smell that punctures all your senses.

Sounds like alcohol. They have chocolate filled with alcohol anyway. In my previous post, I said I don't touch alcohol in itself (which means it would exclude yummy yummy food like herbal chicken), which points to mhmmm I don't know, vodka?

It's like, when you change the context of the song, alcohol becomes like the love Kylie is singing about, or the chocolate that she's having that really tastes like love. I suppose people who take alcohol, appreciate it, REALLY REALLY appreciate it *ahem* or just try it out of curiosity might feel this way, since I wouldn't know just yet.

Skipping the part on how alcohol is good for you, bad for you, or the fact that you're an underage drinker, I'm not really gonna talk about that since it's your life and how you wanna run it is your business.

What's really fascinating and disturbing is the addiction.

Perhaps being at this age, lack of understanding from erm, life experiences, and the fact that I don't want to think about this now, I can't really describe an addiction except through analogies. Well when I do get an answer I'll update.

What I think an addiction is:

you try it for the first time -> you can choose to like it or not -> you end up wanting another go at it whether you like it or not -> because somehow it does something for you, even if you say, no, just by going back, something is definitely ticking -> you have it a few more times -> you keep coming back for more, whether it makes sense to you or not, sometimes subconciously -> addiction?

The effects vary of course. But I'm guessing how it pretty much goes in the process.

Mhmm, just by ordinary everyday speech and emotional reactions, even if we don't really know the person, we can somehow tell what their lives are like behind the facade we see. And of course, whether we choose to close one eye or not is up to us.

History Lesson:

The USSR under Gorbachev continues an anti-alcohol campaign which is hugely unpopular with the ordinary Russians, especially when vodka is the only way they can get plentiful, cheap and an escape from the misery of living under a Communist regime.

It is met with a lot of opposition, and I suppose if my class had a say, Gorbachev would lose his presidential post even more (which he did).

I wouldn't say who, but by the angsty posts when I blog-hop (nothing in the Net is ever private), making observations of them going "WHY WOULD THEY BAN VODKA?!", or maybe a trip down to the supermarket and being asked how to pronounce "Bacardi" and watching someone get fascinated by the alcohol shelf... secretly whining for an older person to buy some off the shelf.

Well, like I said, even if you don't take it regularly, simply by wanting more of it when its access is restricted to you... or not, isn't that already an addiction since it's clear that a dependence on alcohol has been formed.

Doesn't help that you're only 16.

Apparently, it's a mental thing. Is it an emotional state of mind? I don't know. I'm not stopping anyone here, unless they're my 16-year-old friends. For one thing, I care. Ignore this message if you think I'm talking crap, but if you're specifically a friend of mine, you'd better listen to what I have to say. As far as I'm concerned, it's an obligation of mine that I'll have to tell you this, but whether any of you are going to listen, it's a personal choice.

Wanting lots of booze, damn doesn't it sound destructive? Yup I don't really care if I sound like a virginal geek now. So what if I am? I understand the implications of posting this on non-private cyberspace, and yeah, this is my blog. Welcome if you haven't realised.

Whether you think this is a bad thing or not, and that you can get off the hook cos, c'mon, you're not really addicted, and it just makes you forget all your troubles when the stuff trickles down your throat.

HUH? CONTRADICTION MUCH! It's like saying, I don't need it, oh wait I do, I don't want it, oh yeah can I have some now?

Get it?

Precisely it is the dependence that's really scary. A little once in a while is fine (as long as you're legal), but you're not. There's a reason why it's imposed on the underage. Besides preventing lawlessness, it's like a barrier that doesn't want you to feel a need for it at such an age, when you're physically and mentally developing.

Logically, it does make some sense because when you think of it. Like how there are laws against sexual activity for and with minors.

Besides the socio-economic factors, there is also the question of whether the teen is ready for marriage and sex. Not like people don't know how to have sex (that's why the Internet was invented). it also has to do with the mental development. The logical side isn't as developed as the emotional side of the brain and the physical development.

Hypothesising, the same goes for alcohol. People depend on alcohol when they're getting on their years because it energizes them, or relaxes them, or when they're old enough to handle it and not abuse it (unfortunately many adults haven't grown up either).

Being a teen and making comparisons to say, people in their 20s, 30s, 40s etc., it's obvious that teens have a natural revitaliser that works a lot better than older people, why else would they yearn to be 16 again, taking O's, and up and about for the whole day and not feeling as tired as they would at their ages?

Like how I don't do skincare products except for cleanser and in the future, pimple cream, I don't wish for my skin to get so pampered by the products that it can't start working it's natural magic for me when it actually has the ability to. By having that dependence, a sudden lack of NIVEA hand cream etc. might cause some side effects since you're so used to it.

Or who knows, your natural revitaliser wouldn't work as well as it should.

Addiction's still the worst, you want more when you don't need it. Gonna carry this for the rest of your life? Also, if you start something unsuitable earlier in life, most likely it's going to have some consequences in your later life.

Bristol Palin, Jamie Lynn Spears (who cares, they're rich), mhm Lindsay Lohan? She had too much of fame in her younger years, and it's so obvious she can't handle it. Consequence: Her fortune's squandered away already.

10 years from now, I wouldn't want to hear of anyone I know pulling a Christopher Lee. I'd rather be an unknown loser rather than an infamous character.



Liking alcohol is one thing, though I wouldn't encourage liking it now. Of course, moderation is another. Uh-uh, by wanting more even if you don't get to drink it that often is not moderation, it's already in your head that if you can have more, you would. Moderation is only when you get to freely drink it, then you make a concious choice to balance your intake.

Labels: Essence of Sprouting, Questions, Real Life

This is bad. I have to stop this. Let me entertain you with my intelligent, quirky banter in a narration of today's events, that will somehow link to your lives through mine. Go storytelling.

Woke up at 7 to sms HuiJuan about Physics lesson, cos I'm not going to be late again (like I have been for all my Physics lessons on Saturdays), especially not 1 plus hour. Drifted back and forth to sleep wondering if she'll sms back, keeping me on the edge of "Should I skip this or not?".

Why I'm a bad student

1. Why wake up on a Friday morning during a holiday to go all the way to school?

2. My SPA file is less than ready. (Guilty as charged) Yeah... I'll probably end of doing copies of SPAs I didn't bother to dig out.

3. When I get there, I'd probably feel like tearing my test to shreds cos it wouldn't make the least sense to me.

4. Falling asleep in class sounds tempting, might as well snuggle up in my nice warm bed.

5. Don't think I'll understand everything that Mr Ng will talk about, the rest of the class will be like "OOOOOOOOO~" and Hui Juan will be like "But why?!!" and I'll be like "Relax, it's probably *crap explanation*, I dunno *slips into lalaland*" . Then Mr Ng will be slapping his forehead (inwardly, i can read teachers okay.) and say erm... logic governed by the laws of Physics that don't make any sense.

Why I'm a good student

1. I can't stay in bed past 10 or 11 anymore, and have the temptation to slip back into sleep. Being forced to go to school is a good thing. No more of such terrible habits that spring their ugly head during holidays.

2. I'll feel really really really bad about skipping. My conscience wouldn't forgive me for snubbing Mr Ng like I was some kind of diva by turning up fashionably late (it's never fashionable to be late though...no matter how late I turn up, I do understand this and try my best to get my lazy ass off the bed), or not turning up at all (it really bugs me, especially if I know I did have control over my actions, it's not like I was knocked out completely. I was half-awake at 7 for goodness sake)

3. Kept awake by the word to be a good girl, and it doesn't help that it so happened to be the birthday of the friend my mouth had to open and say "okok I'll try". As again, I was half-awake. It's a concious effort.

4. Damn, I have to stop saying things I might not be able to fulfil. I made a big big promise (to Someone more important of course, so going to need all the help I can get) to take care of myself. And going for Physics is like, a huge neon sign going blink blink "What are you waiting for? Get off the bed you... sloth? (so my friends, do not commit one of the seven deadly sins, especially if you have control over yourself)". Oh yeah... running from temptation is definitely better than resisting it headfirst.

5. If I never went, I'll never know. He might not ask for the SPA file, I'll magically know how to save my Physics test (fat chance), Data Source questions are actually my thing and I can do them so much better than Literature (sarcasm to be taken at the fullest). Or I can mooch off Hui Juan's data source and expect myself to understand everything that he says.

6. Maybe there'd be so little people turning up he wouldn't even touch SPA or Data Source. *crosses fingers* Eventually, I'll have to do both anyways, if not today, next next week in school. Worst still, have the test when I go back to school staying back like a sucker.

You can guess which was it that I picked. For the 17 other classmates that turned up that is.

Amazingly, simply because within the time I waited anxiously for Hui Juan's sms, and never once hoping that Mr Ng would cancel the lesson, being thrown back and forth to sleep and my conflicting thoughts, simply on whether I should turn up or not, would lead me to a descision that I should fulfil if not for anyone else, myself.

I guess it's a good thing I was unable to fully go back to sleep after 7am messaging Hui Juan. Simply from that one hour of questioning the 2 sides in my head, I guess it's brought home a bigger conflict that goes beyond going for Physics lesson on a Friday morning in September's bestest non-school week, which I guess I've got that covered.

Well... Physics was just a test and going through of the test, after that consultation which I didn't stay for, since I came empty handed for consultation materials. No SPA file, no Data Source (oh yeah!) *uncrosses fingers*

Despite being groggy, it's quite impressive that I'd probably have scored the same (as badly) as when I'm fully awake. At least I didn't panic ... just stare at the paper and reason with the little I remember, before deciding Faraday's Law (the only thing I really studied) would come into handy. Still can't believe I scored full for a.c generator when I don't know all the shit about it.

(I've never had alcohol as itself, though don't partake in vodka, bacardi, booze etc. will explain this later). Like being all groggy, half-asleep, half-dreaming, like running through virtual reality, all detached and pale. Sniffling and my mucus tap just won't turn off, my hair looking sick, yup sick. I'm more inaudible than usual, mumbling things that I don't hear and expect fully of others to hear it. And I feel like I can push my hand into anyone's face just to shut them up.

Mhmm hmmm girl you gotta stop this. I know I can't wake up every morning like I've gotten a hangover though I've never drank before. I guess the bigger conflict resolved would be knowing that besides laziness, it is just the fact that I don't want to get up at all cos getting up just reminds me of a school day where there's so much shit ahead.

I'm not a morning person, and it certainly isn't one of those rare days when I get up and say "Today, I shall conquer the world".

I suppose the reason why I don't want to go to sleep would be that it would be ending my favourite part of the day, which involves no school and no stress, well not a lot of it anyway. (This is after much thought. Not very much an excuse to me)

Time to stop running away. I guess I just gotta let it stop getting to me and biting me in the ass. Maybe that's why I had to make that promise - I never trusted myself to overcome this demon alone because it sure goes beyond liking to hibernate. More of the alluring comfort of sleep, that when I'm in a different realm, at least the subconcious where no one can touch me.

Perhaps because I felt so weak wanting to keep this to myself and not talk about it that I've never really given it much thought. You don't say prayers without a reason and I suppose when I was half-asleep, I've been wanting some help with this. And there the promise slips through my lips, since I know I won't ever be alone on this.

There's a whole day ahead for me to go after, and too much sleep will deprive that.

Goodnight and Good Morrow.

Labels: Accomplishments, Blogs, Essence of Sprouting, Questions, Quirks, Real Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, Teen Angst

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october 1st, sixteen, libran, singapore, tutor, christian, student, daughter, sister, friend, writer, artist, teenager, life, love

corny in a paradigm where sense and non sequiturs go together, taking it in like vanilla ice cream on a banana split, or sand on a boot. whichever goes.

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