Mmmhmm yes I've got a spot-free back. (at least in camera view) Scrubbadubdub!

Happy Chinese New Year my lovely Chinese friends and folks.

Annnd no, no telling me I'm not Chinese enough. I've got the blood of ol' China and Singapore running through my veins all right.

Have fun with the hong baos! I'll be updating when Blogger's fixed.

Labels: WhatcausesJoy

It's not easy being an older sister and the eldest daughter.

Right now I'm sitting next to the a very volatile bratty kid.
Gosh, why is he acting like he's having his boy period?!

I hate blogger right now. The fonts, sizes and colours are gone. If this (glitch?) keeps up, I might have to move to wordpress. *sniff* Blogger's falling back.

Sigh, what am I to do? The agent's most likely not gonna call me back anytime soon, simply because if parents had a choice, they'd pick the Uni student over the O level graduate. Til then, I'm very much jobless.

So now, I'm stuck with teaching my brother English. Somebody kill me. Ranting to be followed...

I HATE MY JOB! I'M NOT PAID ENOUGH! I'M PAID THE WRONG KIND OF PEANUTS TO TEACH THE LITTLE INFERNAL NUISANCE!

Gawsh. I know I have to do it. There's just so much pressure. My brother just HAD to be born 7 years later (yes who asked you to come into existence!). One day, I'm gonna tear my hair out.

We're all bound to our responsibilities and apparently, I am too. I'm just getting started ya'll. The taste of an unappreciative burden. He's giving me second thoughts if I should have children, and if I did, maybe leaving them with Michael Jackson and going to the Bahamas sounds pretty good too.

(just kidding, though for a second there I was thinking of leaving him to a pedophile pop-singing petrifi-er)

I'm immensely frustrated.

I have to teach and worst still, I can't protest. You know how they say siblings can't teach each other? Yeah that's not a myth.

No fancy talk here, but maybe a year ago, I would have thrown a huge drama queen fit. Talk about infringing on human rights! Perhaps I treated him like a total liability, like, I have my life to live, I have everything else to do and honestly, you're not in my list of things I bother about to associate myself with deeply. As far as I was concerned, he was my parents' unfortunate responsibility.

Well, if you've lived with him day in and day out, you'll know. Or you can just check out your sibling and think of the times he might've given you a stroke from frustration.

God help me.

As love would have it, finishing my O levels and progressing in terms of maturity puts such a huge strain on myself at times. I am getting my wiring done properly, yet I feel like I'm going insane. HA, too late now.

Sigh. He runs away to watch tv, use the computer, sleep, stare into space or eat a lollipop, every possible ignoring action you can think of. Then when I get him to sit down, he stares daggers (yeah he's had a bad history with learning) into the pages and forever becomes a pretty short time when he's scribbling the answers hastily in order to stop his self-imposed ordeal. And I mean it.

He doesn't read the questions properly, doesn't answer them properly, ... in teenspeak, a lot of fan-hogging and emo-ing and patience losing is done.

At least I do manage to give him the credit he deserves and if he tries making use of his neurons to get the mind machinery going, he gets it.

Oh and guess who's the target of all his outbursts, anger, plain lazines, frustration or otherwise.

Gee, don't blame me if I'm easily pissed too. Gosh I should stop getting affected by that little *censored*. I'm sorry but he is.

This doesn't happen a lot. I've been immune to most of his ridiculous behaviour but not entirely.

GIVE ME A BREAK. I'M JUST 16!

To think I tried to understand a kid. Gee, I should stop waiting around for somebody to cooperate.

*slaps forehead*

Unfortunately, simply because I'm more aware than before, my mind's already wired in my responsibilities. Again with the limitations!

I know how much this means to my family. Nobody's more qualified to teach the little bugger English, and I have to just in case he becomes a bigger liability if he sucks at his studies in the future. Tuition fees are too expensive and my parents are paying for it with my blood pressure and "patience-training". CRAP. I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS! 10 dollars isn't enough for 1 and a half hours. Yet, I can't ask for more because that would be turning a blind eye to preparation for the rocky year.

Yes, I have it worse than you think. At least in my mind I do.

Perseverance.

One day, you'll hear me say "Look ma! Top of the world!"

(And i wonder where my brother would be)

Labels: Teen Angst

[Edited due to major flaw]


JAN 19: The Huffington Post Preinauguration Ball (Fangirling to come)

This is Shakira performing with Usher and Stevie Wonder:
http://www.shakiramedia.com/video/detail/1494

Song's called Higher ground and I love how everyone's all dressed and stuffed up cuz it was fureezin'. Must say Shakira held her own with Usher and Stevie Wonder. If you asked me, I'd say the she did good since it IS Stevie Wonder she's performing with, she sang it the right way and made a great supporting voice. Who would've known she could do such a song (Motown?) and look gorgeous at the same time. Didja see the Obamas dancing?! Ho yeah!

JAN 20: Neighbourhood Inaugural Ball (Apparently with every inaugration, there will be um, near 10 balls and galas...)

You can catch We Are One: The Obama Inaugural Celebration at the Lincoln Memorial on HBO, Starhub Ch 60 at 7pm tomorrow and encore telecast on Wednesday at 1am (perfect for insomniacs) or Starhub Ch 66 tmr at 10pm. Its the opening celebration for the 44th (hmm, so number of inagurations doesn't mean number of presidents) President.

Of course it took place on Sunday evening in the U.S (Monday morning Singapore)

Mmmmm it will be a star-studded event, only the creme de la creme of music, famous persons (eg. Martin Luther King III) and some interesting actors (Jack Black, Denzel Washington....) Of course, all of em' have expressed their support for the Obama presidency. Yeah and the actors are giving speeches. Hope you weren't expecting them to sing. Ecletic mix of musicians and it's gonna be a lot of respectable fun!

See? Antonio De La Rua (Shakira's fiance), Obama, Shakira (pretty hair!)

Is it me or is Obama starting to resemble the guy on my toothpaste? Somebody give the man a top hat and he'll promote flouride and dental hygiene.

Here comes the good news:

If you don't subscribe to HBO, there will be a free preview for all Starhub TV customers using Hubstation, Hubstation HD, digital or HD set-top box tomorrow on HBO (Starhub Ch 60) from 7pm to 9pm.

Source: TODAY 19 JAN plus Television

Ah yes, for the good of the public. Watch it if you're bored or just wanna kick back to a glamorous, for-the-good-of-the-world treat. It's not everyday you get to see top-quality performances by stars who don't wanna mess up in front of the President, so they would probably make it top-notch.

Labels: What's up or new

So these few days, I can't twitch my nose or the entire right side of my face will hurt.

Church is good for the soul, a reliable spring mattress is beneficial to the back (sadly I have to settle for two small mattresses), I'm becoming more of a big girl - dealing with a little monster and helping around the house - mmm and I have guy friends who have problems dealing with girls at a certain time of the month.

Unfortunately, I am unable to mention one of the two incidents due to vehement objection. Tsk tsk, first you're shell-shocked (O M G O M G O M G HOW CAN YOU GIRLS SAY SUCH THINGS OUT LOUD?) and now you don't want people to know why I gave up and told you in the face that I was having my monthly issue? Pfft!

There goes Number 2.

Here's Number 1:

Dumpling: How's your day?

Corn: Bad. Cramping real bad all day. (Hint 1)

Dumpling: Why? (Strike 1)

Corn: Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm a girl? (Hint 2)

Dumpling: Huh?! (Strike 2)

Corn: *smacks forehead* Hong Wei. *stern* (Hint 3 and alert: You're making it really difficult for me here)

Dumpling: -.- (Strike 3: -.- me some more!)

Corn: I'm having my period. (And you're out!)

Dumpling: Oops!

Corn: YES. Take a hint. PLEASE! I'ma mood swingy girl on one of those days with really bad cramps! There I've said it!

You boys ask for it sometimes. Hehe, no offence Dumpling. Just giving a demo on the hints that guys USUALLY take when a girl's having some oestrogen rearranged.

Yeah and guys, sometimes there's so subtle way to say it. No easy way out. That's why I told Shawn straight in the face. Then, he freaks out into a blabbering mess. Mm, can't see the difference between a guy and a girl no more.

Corns: If I wasn't cramping, I would throw an exercise ball at you.

No, you wouldn't want to be flattened and end like that.

Labels: Real Life

Hmm.. I'm nearing my 90th post. Yay! *proud of self* Well c'mon, my entries are loooong. Too bad I can't say that about my earliest entries, they were of objectionable quality. Guess I didn't pick up the skill of blogging then.

I guess I should start seperating the subjects in one entry to many different entry.

What can I say, I talk a lot, at least on this blog. Or maybe my readers are actually fun to talk to. Oh the Internet. Heh, did I tell you I used to keep diaries that never really cemented. They always died after a few entries, no matter how intelligent they seemed (they were never, sadly). C'mon, why should I talk to myself like that when I can do it verbally and tell myself things I already know.

Plus, I'm not my best audience. If I could, I would probably throw rotten tomatoes at me. Oh, and having an actual audience would be something I enjoy. Visible and invisible ones.



So everyone knows that tomorrow is the Release. I won't call the O levels the O-monster, the O-bigone, the O-it-sucks-the-juice-outta-me.

Therefore, I wouldn't refer to tomorrow 2pm as doomsday.

Kay, that's just the pragmatic, spaced-out, somehow-uncaring side of me talking. Havin' a rare moment here people!

I wonder who will be opening Pandora's Box tomorrow.



(Disclaimer: Reader Discretion Advised)



Backtrack to start of sec 4. Mm, well I could say I was extremely hopeful of the year. We all knew it was gonna be difficult, we were unsure, we had baggage from the year before... oh and CCA's a classic. Strange how you can fear and hope at the same time.

Towards mid-year, I swear I was going nuts. Everything screwed up and musical was putting on a huge strain. Mmm, life sucks eh. Lemons!

Now that I think of it, was I depressed? As in, clinically? Til' now, I'm not very sure but I felt I was losing control over myself and my mind. A bit creepy now that I think of it, cos I did experience some mentioned physical symptons too. Heh, then there was some leftover lemon juice from that period of time, and before that too.

Ah... any unfounded accusations yet? I have yet to understand the workings of my brain enough though... and you too!

Soooo... now you know. People don't just freak out excessively, cry like the world's ending tomorrow, explode like Mount Merapi on a crabby day for Indonesians, become claustrophobic, fear pointlessly, feel sick for seemingly no reason, experience an urge for physical aggression, then sometimes feeling nothing at all.. Yup, there you go.

You know how people s'posedly hear voices and all when they're mentally sick. I didn't hear any telling me to slash my wrist or go for a skydiving lesson without a parachute. It all started when everyone were telling me so many pressurising things (well you know, if u gotta tell a class collectively, people who don't need to hear it has to listen too... especially if they're impressionable) and it all translates into my own voice repeating it all. I take myself too seriously and ta-da!


Hmm, so there you go Shrinky.

I know we all got problems, but this is how mine manifested. People might've slashed their wrist, pulled out their hair, kicked little animals, took it out on people you don't really know... so I guess that's how it went for me.

Yup, if you're wondering, I'm writing this down just in case I start behaving strangely after getting my results to remind myelf of how it's a huge roundabout that's seriously not easy to get out of. Oh, and to satisfy some curiosity about volatile behaviour.

Anyway, can't say everything else was smooth sailing, but it did get a little better eventually. This, which I feel I should say, was the work of God. Before you go all 'noooo I thought this was secular!' on me, it really means a lot to me.

It was simple yet miraculous I might say. I might not have control over myself, but I do know Someone does. Once you start living for more than the fallacy of human minds and for something far greater, the assurance leaves you speechless with wonderment and contentment.

Therefore, at 2pm, it will not be the nightmare that many envision and I won't let my life and future hinge on O level results. Life still goes on after the end of the world, whether you like it or not. I'm gonna live my life for a bigger plan. Maybe I'm not made to fit the fabric of Singapore society, but I'm pretty sure me being different comes with a greater purpose. Who wants to be like everybody else anyway? If it's taught me anything, it's brought me closer to God and a testimony to how I believe we need Him.

Changing a perspective, opting for orange juice, living your life with a different purpose makes all the difference in the world.



This is a special day
I want to believe in another opportunity
We took a mortal leap
And today I return to see
A light in the darkness

Dia Especial, Shakira

Labels: Accomplishments, Answers, Essence of Sprouting

To Sec 4 grads, pretty sure you've been flooded with poly ad mails.

Heh, and somehow, on every issue and/or cover, there's always a cheerleader in all her short-skirt, midriff, pom-pom exposing glory. Mmm, people who create those ads sure know how to market.

Come to X Poly and you get a once-in-a-lifetime-never-seen-in-secondary-school chance to look at preppy girls in tiny outfits very happy that you're looking at them.

Okayokay, anyway, the results have been getting me down. When I think of it, I experience physical side effects like a funny tummy and loss of appetite. No nightmares, my brain only chooses to dream about irrelevant things.

Besides the fact that I'm itching all over from a sunburn and apparently no bath, I'm just glad that I'm able to wake up on Sundays at 7.30-40. Strangely how on every other day I'll make animal noises if I'm woken up before I choose to wake up, which can range from 8 (rarely) to 12.3o AM.

So there's nothing like welcoming the new year by going to church regularly and exploring YMM and the lovely people (one of whom enjoys ties adorned with adorable porcupines), oooh and taking the first steps to spiritual growth.

Reminders...

If logistics, Pastor Tim and God allows, the lovely Aunty Michelle will be my mentor after the seminar, then we'll do basic Bible and navigational study and I'll be plopped into a cell group. Apparently, I'm s'posed to move on from there alone since I'll have the basic skills and then comes everything else I'm supposed to do.

Okay, dinner! Update about today's, interesting service later.

Labels: Pondering, To-do list, WhatcausesJoy

Ooh la la! Not going back to school yesterday - totally awesome. neh-neh-neh-neh-neh-neh.

For all sec 4s this year, no complaining. We finished our prison term so we deserve to shake our asses about it. Plus, I believed we had more on our plates. Believe that.

I still woke up at 6.10 though, which is silly. Then, I woke up my brother (WHO HAS TO GO TO SCHOOL so I'm doing him a favour). Only woke up myself cos I had a tummyache. Then, I felt a strange urge to go down to the bus stop and laugh at people who have to catch the bus to go to school.

mmmm even better when I'm catching the bus to go someplace fun.

Aherm, we all have moments. Mine just comes in a quick, articulate outburst.

Okay enough rubbing it in. I don't get to do this, usually. :P

Mmm if its a solution you need, numb the feeling of going back to school and having work to do, and try to get it over with as fast as possible, give your plate as little as you can and give it all a spoonful of sugar.

Occasionally, scream into a pillow and ensure that you clear your head (for the sake of sanity) and make yourself happy (without harming anybody), as fulfilled as possible, talk to someone, live your life, do what you gotta do.

Hehs, now that I think of it, I think its true that more people read your blog than you are aware of.

1) People that like you and wanna check you out,

2) People that admire your literary aspirations and successes or your pictures that are worth a thousand words or the great intelligence poured forth from a passing thought, or

3) People who don't like you and find your day-to-day activities or the slightest occasional brain activity amusing.

So... now I have two sets of swimming slippers and a set of home slippers. Yay for shoes indoors.

The last quote of the day: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.

- Mandy from Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy.

If you wanna know, its a creepy, gross cartoon (episode where Billy jumped into Mandy's head and made her do stupid things like rolling in the mud and kiss her parents (Mandy is evil and probably doesn't care for her parents), smile (she never smiles) and of course, pick her nose.)

Labels: Pondering

Dear readers and bloggers, do update what was the first thing that happened in 2009, I'll be looking forward to it.

There's just something beautiful about a new year, a new beginning and all.. must contain elation and ignore bitten tongue! People rejoicing... surreal. Tomorrow and next year has come. Sorry, this year.

The first thing that happened in 2009 for me:

My half-naked brother shouts "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" and dances. My dad tells him to shut up. I hear Auld Lang Syne and more half-naked people cheering.

I do a crazy dance and say "HAPPY 2009 TO YOU TOO! I WOULD HUG YOU IF YOU WEREN'T HALF-NAKED!"

I wouldn't mind being somewhere else though, at a church or downstairs playing sparklers.

Then my half-naked dad watches the fireworks from the windows.

I would hug my brother if he wasn't half-naked.

Now for my first 2009 non-half-naked meal: milo and a big sausage. Eat and not exercise!

Have a great half-naked 2009! Liberate half of all your soul and being cos the other half is probably too painful to witness.

All I can say it, savour the moment and you can do it. Here, your advice for the whole year. No school reopening, now that I think of it... It's GOTTA be great!

Love,
Cornstance

Labels: NEW YEAR, Quirks, What's up or new

identity-finder, half-thinker, thought-translater, life-pacer, adversary-fighter, grown-wiser, subtle-humour, nail-biter, indulgent-appreciator, pragmatic-dreamer, irony-murdered, unglamourous-puss, rocket-bunny

october 1st, sixteen, libran, singapore, tutor, christian, student, daughter, sister, friend, writer, artist, teenager, life, love

corny in a paradigm where sense and non sequiturs go together, taking it in like vanilla ice cream on a banana split, or sand on a boot. whichever goes.

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