How old are we really?

Nevermind that silly facebook quiz, who knows I might be an old woman in a 17 year old body. Or a chimp in humanoid form.

HAHA, celebrating Jasmine, Rebecca and Samuel's birthday made me realise one thing: While we (2009 17 year olds) were gloating about having passed the 16 hurdle (access to NC-16 movies yeah!), it appears to be um, not much of a big deal when Jas and Rebs are like, 18 this year.

Sure, as long as you're above 16 in Singapore, you can have consensual sex. 18, commercial sex. Not like I'm encouraging promiscuity or anything, but I guess being trusted with this responsibility makes some us feel all self-important. Like me getting my own laptop! Ho yeah! *cuddles laptop*

Anyway, besides feeling all grown-up and even the Man has given you a say over your own body, question is, being seen as old enough in the eyes of the law ... are we really as old as they would like us to think we are? Well, they've got to generalise. It's culture at work and labelling is ultimately the best way to get around it, along with advisory prevention and protection.

Did I mention how much that ad on the MRT with a pregnant teen girl and what appears to be a trail of blood from her navel creeps me out? Man it gives me the heebie jeebies.

Well, I might be old enough to paint my nails without my mother objecting. Oooh and they're a lovely plum and vermillion. Faceshop.

Back to the point. I'm old enough to paint my nails and so I do. Unfortunately, I'm not skilful enough and I get nail varnish all over my cuticles and finger. Good thing is, for something like that, there's always a nail polish remover and a wad of soft cotton.

As for having had sex, well I guess they have stitch-up surgery if you want your virginity back. Unfortunately for everything else where STDs, unwanted pregnancy, pride, social stigma, trauma (if there's any), any side effects, any regrets... well they haven't invented a remover for that.


Oh and I think German people are real smart. Einstein was German, but he switched sides. Hey, who would've known the top Nazi brains and brilliant minds were that good? Hitler made sure somebody shot them before they surrendered so nobody could get to the Nazi technology. Mmhmm so they went beyond the V2 rocket. Gotta love em' documentary channels.

So anyway, some of them got away and were scattered across North and South America. Now that's a fact. As for whether the Nazi UFO Conspiracy is true, well, after watching that documentary, I'm starting to lean towards the fact that UFOs might just as well be terrestrial.

Now, I just thank God for the balance. Gosh, can't imagine what would've happened if the Nazis had more time to develop their prototypes. Of course, according to the documentary, the Americans took over and had those developed and then made a cover-up story that UFOs were from outer space.

Techonology's sweet but shit happens if it falls into the wrong hands.

Labels: Essence of Sprouting, What's up or new

It's my 96th post! Heh heh, coming towards the 100th. I haven't had a good enough post in a long long time. Oh the laziness bug and the writer's block.


The weather turned on the nose tap today. Non-stop sneezing, sniffing and leaking. Too bad there ain't no plumber for this.

It's gone from perpetually windy for a week, to scorching sun, pouring sheets, mild, once-a-day-rain, then interchangeably wet or humid.


Sharon's 17th birthday! Maybe it's not so strange after all that time would pass so fast, like, tomorrow the whole bunch of us would be 27, then 77. Looking at Stephanie's schedule while I'm basically lazing around, it does feel sorta crazy that it was only a few months ago that I was busier than that.

I saw the neighbour I've not seen in months since his sister's wedding an hour ago. A little ironic how I see my neighbour less often like this. So near yet so far. Got a little wistful thinking how one day, we'd all move out, leaving the parents with the whole house to themselves.


A passing thought... It seems to me that whenever anyone is angry, he who seems to have no more vocabulary than a country bumpkin, spews out words Shakespeare has never heard of.

In other words...

A girl who looks just about as deep as Jessica Simpson (Nick Lachey: I swear if you get fat, this marriage is so over), speaks like Brooke Shields, in fact, say it in the most serious tone possible (Smoking kills. When you die, you've lost a very important part fo your life) would, I don't know...

wax lyrical in emo 'masterpieces' and use words like 'cognoscente', with atrocious grammar in the next sentence. Wordsworth would be so proud.

I know I've said this before, but I've had a bit of a breakthrough. Do people feel the need to show their superiority in a conflict as a cat would do by making its fur stand on end, just so they could have a more threatening appearance? Oh, the things we do to have an upper hand and act like we know what we're talking about.

When people you know are naturally bravura in self-expression (heh, thank God I don't see people like these too often), or just trying to blow up like a pufferfish, sometimes you can't help but wonder: Before you typed that self-righteous admonishment, I bet you picked a random word from Dictionary.com.

When a noun is confused for a verb in plain pissed-offness (Constance speak!), oh how we blasphemise the innocent bystander, literally shooting the messenger (English Language) instead of the sender (Who you're pissed off at). Sacrilegous! (Oooh repetition!)

No reticence now, oh I feel empowered by something I barely understand!

Get it? Now that's why I don't check Dictionary.com as often, due to lack of flavour. Yeah feel free to study this post for A level's GP eh Hairil. The sun is yet again at the windowsill of the world. We'll see if you'll be calling me up for cheem phrases before your exam.


Did I mention the song which goes 'Mah heart is damaged, damaged, daaaamaged ..' is plain annoying. If a lover has given yourself a heart attack, then that's too bad, please don't sing about it like that.

Its one of those songs when you ask: Who the hell gives it heavy airplay?


Why is everyone born in March?!! I've got like 4 birthdays at hand. "Ni ma bu shi ying cao piao de hor!"


Speaking of my mother, she says more than she should, especially to little children. No wonder we lose patience with her.

You don't tell a kid whose got his lovely pencil case vandalised on purpose by someone he doesn't know that the girl who did it is being ridiculous and should stop trying to attract my brother with her inappropriately coquettish way of showing a twisted sense of attraction masked in arrogance.

I hate it when she jumps to conclusions. Undermines the victims and it proudly displays our need to be always right and judgemental without knowing the full story. Gosh, what if the victims don't even know if she's wrong cuz she's never as right as she says she is.

Doesn't matter now, as for me, I'm learning not to be that way, especially during the course of last week...

Labels: Answers, Essence of Sprouting, Family, Real Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off

Hmm.. I'm nearing my 90th post. Yay! *proud of self* Well c'mon, my entries are loooong. Too bad I can't say that about my earliest entries, they were of objectionable quality. Guess I didn't pick up the skill of blogging then.

I guess I should start seperating the subjects in one entry to many different entry.

What can I say, I talk a lot, at least on this blog. Or maybe my readers are actually fun to talk to. Oh the Internet. Heh, did I tell you I used to keep diaries that never really cemented. They always died after a few entries, no matter how intelligent they seemed (they were never, sadly). C'mon, why should I talk to myself like that when I can do it verbally and tell myself things I already know.

Plus, I'm not my best audience. If I could, I would probably throw rotten tomatoes at me. Oh, and having an actual audience would be something I enjoy. Visible and invisible ones.



So everyone knows that tomorrow is the Release. I won't call the O levels the O-monster, the O-bigone, the O-it-sucks-the-juice-outta-me.

Therefore, I wouldn't refer to tomorrow 2pm as doomsday.

Kay, that's just the pragmatic, spaced-out, somehow-uncaring side of me talking. Havin' a rare moment here people!

I wonder who will be opening Pandora's Box tomorrow.



(Disclaimer: Reader Discretion Advised)



Backtrack to start of sec 4. Mm, well I could say I was extremely hopeful of the year. We all knew it was gonna be difficult, we were unsure, we had baggage from the year before... oh and CCA's a classic. Strange how you can fear and hope at the same time.

Towards mid-year, I swear I was going nuts. Everything screwed up and musical was putting on a huge strain. Mmm, life sucks eh. Lemons!

Now that I think of it, was I depressed? As in, clinically? Til' now, I'm not very sure but I felt I was losing control over myself and my mind. A bit creepy now that I think of it, cos I did experience some mentioned physical symptons too. Heh, then there was some leftover lemon juice from that period of time, and before that too.

Ah... any unfounded accusations yet? I have yet to understand the workings of my brain enough though... and you too!

Soooo... now you know. People don't just freak out excessively, cry like the world's ending tomorrow, explode like Mount Merapi on a crabby day for Indonesians, become claustrophobic, fear pointlessly, feel sick for seemingly no reason, experience an urge for physical aggression, then sometimes feeling nothing at all.. Yup, there you go.

You know how people s'posedly hear voices and all when they're mentally sick. I didn't hear any telling me to slash my wrist or go for a skydiving lesson without a parachute. It all started when everyone were telling me so many pressurising things (well you know, if u gotta tell a class collectively, people who don't need to hear it has to listen too... especially if they're impressionable) and it all translates into my own voice repeating it all. I take myself too seriously and ta-da!


Hmm, so there you go Shrinky.

I know we all got problems, but this is how mine manifested. People might've slashed their wrist, pulled out their hair, kicked little animals, took it out on people you don't really know... so I guess that's how it went for me.

Yup, if you're wondering, I'm writing this down just in case I start behaving strangely after getting my results to remind myelf of how it's a huge roundabout that's seriously not easy to get out of. Oh, and to satisfy some curiosity about volatile behaviour.

Anyway, can't say everything else was smooth sailing, but it did get a little better eventually. This, which I feel I should say, was the work of God. Before you go all 'noooo I thought this was secular!' on me, it really means a lot to me.

It was simple yet miraculous I might say. I might not have control over myself, but I do know Someone does. Once you start living for more than the fallacy of human minds and for something far greater, the assurance leaves you speechless with wonderment and contentment.

Therefore, at 2pm, it will not be the nightmare that many envision and I won't let my life and future hinge on O level results. Life still goes on after the end of the world, whether you like it or not. I'm gonna live my life for a bigger plan. Maybe I'm not made to fit the fabric of Singapore society, but I'm pretty sure me being different comes with a greater purpose. Who wants to be like everybody else anyway? If it's taught me anything, it's brought me closer to God and a testimony to how I believe we need Him.

Changing a perspective, opting for orange juice, living your life with a different purpose makes all the difference in the world.



This is a special day
I want to believe in another opportunity
We took a mortal leap
And today I return to see
A light in the darkness

Dia Especial, Shakira

Labels: Accomplishments, Answers, Essence of Sprouting

Day 2 of Post-Os. Sounds like a cereal.

Woke up with the sniffles and some crankiness. Oooooh it's that time of the month again!

Went to Stephanie's with Sharon. An afternoon of unsatisfactory bei mian, donuts (in many many colours and flavours yum yum yum), chocolate, snacks... which by the way I gotta get Ruffles tomorrow. My favourite potato chip, you're mine! Rufflemania. I like, Doritos, Twisties, Pringles, (hate double decker, corntos is ... blah), Cheezels, but the ridges are all mine! Come to mama!

Well now I'm actually glad that I have less thinking posts, that's why I say I'm a half-thinker, I wouldn't enjoy thinking all the time. The brain has to leave the building ... and when it does ... oh my. And when my brain's doing the thinking, I think i do scare a lot of my friends.

Anyway, back to the day.

I had a scrumptious, weird-interesting-tasting green tea donut, and I can still smell it, a bit of a sugar-frosted jam middle donut from Sharon, and a little of the creamy holeless donut with strawberry icing and white cream.

Then the main attraction, we played Monopoly Global, oh yeah. It isn't as fun when you're losing though, cos it feels like it's money you're losing. The game goes on for hours, no wonder it's a family favourite. To keep the kids occupied until they got so bored they'd rather go to bed. Or when they're losing muahahhaa.

Sharon monopolised the game. Grrr! You never lose your money to 2 people, but 1.

1.

That's painful yo, at least we weren't playing with real money, or monopoly money for that matter. All in credit cards, complete with electronic banking (banker is a little machine), card slots, CARD REJECTION (hehe stephanie arh...), pity discounts, evil laughter, hard thinking, business deals, interest, the updated capitalist world. Where you buy landmarks like Rome, Tokyo, Belgrade (some of mine), New York, Hong Kong, Istanbul (Sharon's), Taipei, Jerusalem, Montreal (Stephanie's). Or power supplies and transportation. Cool shit.

Tiring but fun, and thoroughly amusing. Set us thinking about how unpredictable the business world is, and how I'll end up losing all my properties cos I sucked so bad at monopoly and was unlucky.

No notes that will end up curling up and yellowing were used. Everything in a fancy credit card to be punched in for transactions...

Mine was red, Sharon's was pink and Steph's was yellow.

Ah well, the race for the first bankruptcy was between me and Steph. Fun while it lasted.

Moved on to my house for dinner. It's her first time having a proper dinner at my place. Steph eats everything that I don't. And Sharon eats everything that we do and don't. Don't mess with her, she'll eat you.

All candid moments on pictures up tomorrow!

On a more thoughtful note, instead of getting haunted by my incoming results and doubtful performance, I guess I did do my best, given my circumstances.

Sucks big time, and my h key is getting screwed. Screw you back stupid keyboard. *pout*

Mmm I do want new hair next week, swimming with the cousins (not the fishes), watch Mean Girls with Mythili (never seen it before, feel like such a loser, but Lindsay Lohan's an even bigger whacked up one now)

Gosh I used to like her. What's up with Disney girls becoming skanks or are skanks-to-be? Not worth idolising or even liking. Put on your acting chops girl, I wanna be entertained! And yes, you are an entertainer. Get your game together and stop partying like the whole world's gotta entertain you Lilo. We ain't got time to be lesbian and be ambiguous about whether we're bisexual. Or maybe the rehab's not working. Okay I should stop.)

Christina Aguilera's the only one that's still respectable. *listens to Keeps Getting Better* Even though she got dirrty and is stuck in Britney's shadow, at least she didn't screw up so much. She overcame her hospital and isn't in a mental hospital now. At least now I know that she really is comfortable with her sexuality such that she wants to show you her bits but definitely wasn't marketed as a sex object (by someone else).

We might question her style, obscenity, how her singing is annoying when she screams like her mic's not turned on, or her long or high notes... she's got brains lah. And even if her boobs are like...nevermind. Go scar your eyes with the strangeness if you want to.

Alright enough digressing. Just know I won't like Disney girls (or boys. Zac Efron. You're a pretty boy who can't act, and you're not pretty to me, sadly. Damn you Jonas Brothers. If girls had more taste, or different ones, they wouldn't be grovelling at your feet. Twits. Jonas Brothers so not heartbreaker material. Go home to your mummy you pubescent boys who can't rock and have a terrible band name. Jo Bro? Ju gotta g(r)o(w). I wouldn't watch you anyway.)

I hate pretty boys for that matter. Go pick who you wanna be already. And pretty isn't "handsome" so says the definition of a good-looking guy. On a crappy note, I would die if the guy I'm next to is prettier than me. Oh my I have vanity issues.

Another late night, oh no. I have got to come home earlier. Well, can't be too late tomorrow. Another fun fact: watched Soviet UFO Secrets and Tribe today.

Tomorrow's another day that I'm looking forward to.

Labels: Essence of Sprouting, Friends, Games, What's up or new, WhatcausesJoy

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time


So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while


I'll hop into a race car out of the school and wave goodbye to the yellow, orange and orange building (dammit, paint it a different colour!). And i'll wave to the people inside......


"SEE YA SUCKAS!!!!!"


THE O'S HAVE ENDED FOR ME YA'LL.

My entire existence in secondary school has ended, which leaves me great relief. I need a break, a permananent one frm secondary school. Sure the memories are great and all, but the pain of realisation isn't worth going through again. We've learnt what we gotta learn, so let's move on. And if you can help it, be happy about it, of which both i glady oblige.

Oh well, even though I didn't breathe the huge sigh of relief or join in the yays, or laugh at the bio students, I was pretty disappointed with the last paper. God save the corn. Fret fret fret, that's what I did.

Anyway, I'm going to start blogging (hopefully) everyday for my days of freedom. Entertaining, thoughtful quirky banter dished in a lovely accent.

So... no more worrying. I gotta reassure myself that no matter the outcome, there's still a big Plan for me to follow, just that I don't know what it is yet, but I can find out.

And in this span of time, I'll be going on a journey (not to Vietnam), but one of self-discovery, now that I can impart my time fully to what I love. Plus finding out what else I'm good at :)

On the upside, NO MORE JURONG SECONDARY SCHOOL! YES MUAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

*pops champagne and bathes in it*

I shall now gloat about how wonderful it is to be O-U-T.

No more stifling shit, no more getting screwed by the same few system and the same old system (even if im gonna get screwed worse, a change is good), freedom from stress of studying, no more juggling things that make my head ache, going out with friends and contacting them so I won't miss them so much, freedom to blog, an open voice to talk talk talk freely without feeling I'm watched by CCTV, all da bitching to be done, ...

no more stresses about getting stepped on, walked over, or people feeling like I'm walking over them, no more of such misunderstandings after I've understood myself more, ...

starting anew, afresh, FRESH AIR, doing what i wanna do, believing in myself that I'm worth more than I step on myself for, so much living to compensate, a REAL HOLIDAY esp after the past 10 years of my life, so much life to live, so much hope and light at the edge of the world,...

an identity, confidence, laughing,...

knowing that I've gained more than the people who have gained short-term, no more shit jobs that don't pay me a single cent but screw me in every way, no more injustice as I know of (in this school lahs), a newer, brighter future to look forward to, long and short term, no more biased crap passed off as excellence,...

Shaking away the chains and escaping unceremoniously,

I feel like Mas Selamat.

Plug your toilets people. I might escape.

Freedom to be as crazy as I want to be.

My library fine of ... 60 cents is settled. -_- I thought it would come up to a few dollars. Sorry yo, Hairil, had I known it was 60cents I wouldn't have insisted you paid one-third of it. Sowie.

Note: Do not take the sentences below too seriously

*drama queen fit*
I shall rip out the little square on my uniform and stomp it flat on the dust! now DIE DIE DIE!!!

Celebrate, tear up your entry proof, burn your books, anyting to celebrate, though today I didn't properly celebrate for the ending of O's.

No regrets.

*flips hair*

*walks away*

Labels: Accomplishments, Essence of Sprouting, Real Life, Secondary School Life, What's up or new, WhatcausesJoy

If the cure for a broken heart is love (so says Shakespeare), then the cure for broken faith is a miracle.

(This will be an egocentric post)

I gotta stop being unconfident. And I need a professional counsellor.

At 2am, before I slept, I decided that what I'm seeing now isn't my true potential. Surely I could do so much more before, why not now? It's amazing how 4 years of secondary school really dragged me down like this, but I won't say it hasn't toughened me up. The O's is just another test I suppose. Wine becomes more valuable as it ages... wish I could say the same about women.

Watched the Proud Family Movie yesterday, haha well, I love Oscar the daddy the most. So unreasonable he's actually funny. A very Will Smith kinda daddy, but a lot snappier. He disallowed his daughter to turn 16 cos she kissed a boy. LOL freaking funny!

Grandma: I'm going to soak in that hot tub until I get all wrinkly.

Oscar: Too late for that mama.

Anyway, I'm going to have to stop this unconfidence from standing between me and a successful life. I can do so much more, and I will. Like Pi says, fear is but an impression. I used to have a lot more drive and motivation... and I did reach heights I didn't think possible.

Therefore, I conclude that I do have strengths besides academics. And that I'm not academically stupid. If I did it before, I can do it again. If I haven't done it, then I can do it too. I know what I'm doing.

Counting the number of "I"s, this post is really... diva-ish. Haha oh well, personal space.

Anyway, on a positive note, I'm really glad to see that EL is getting more recognition, esp after the musical. Well, negative recognition is nothing that we can't handle. Just that I knew that focussing more on the musical would be a long-term bargaining chip, and we got the best drama and debate trainers now. Saved!

Well, just really happy that what the seniors wanted to see (for generations) did happen. Of course it probably comes with catches since it's obvious that they aren't really into cultivating arts for all the authentic glory that it has. More of, I train you, you do propaganda through drama for me. Quite a shame, but it's a start. So be prepared juniors.

Well, I'll be needing work in the holidays, something to keep me occupied and earn my keep! Sounds so...

Haha, anyway, which reminds me it's time to be very good friends with StephK.

Labels: Essence of Sprouting, WhatcausesJoy

Disclaimer: Don't read this post if you get distressed by my rantings. If it should make you feel any better and boost your confidence on someone being down and out in the O's and you're doing really fine and you can use someone's low to take u higher, by all means.

No really.


Wanted: Punch Bag

Humans and inanimate objects free to apply.

Call 1800-I-SCREWED-UP-MY-O-LEVELS.

Damn the O's giving me a big headache. I've felt every form of negative emotion (except for a suicidal tendency cos that's just dumb). Frustration, anger, disappointment, dejection, anxiety. Least I haven't felt apathy yet. Closest I get is just unmotivated. Then I'll just pretend I don't care or just laugh at the impossibility of it all. (I haven't lost it okay... that's contradictory)

Sucks when you don't just disappoint yourself but when you felt like you've let down your whole world. I mean, of course, if you're your whole world ... haha diva!

Now I shall curse my Mp3 for dying on me when I need it's amazing ability to play songs from a tiny stick. damn you technology.

To everyone I know: Sorry if I piss you off with my post-paper negative chakra (is that what it's called?). I'll be fine. Just thinking of how I've disappointed myself and the people i actually care about. (makes me sound so... uncaring to the rest of the world) haha... sweet irony. Because I care about me and you, I get angry at you, which makes you think I don't care for you cos I don't give you a break.

Nope, I'll get over it. Even if I've shown that I couldn't, but I will. You gotta feel upset for all there is before you can move on without a load on your shoulders.

Sometimes its so hard to think positive.

One chance to do it, one chance to screw it.

So much for being bound by your limitations. Don't be too hard on yourself if things haven't been going your way for the last 4 years. No really, just take it easy and hope you don't fall in the last lap.

I'm running low on endurance here ya'll. Why am I losing my patience when I need it the most?

I just wanna do well in life. SO STOP MAKING IT SOUND LIKE THE O'S ARE SEC 4S LIVES PLEASE I DON'T WANT MY LIFE TO REVOLVE AROUND AN EXAM! They should never have told me that O levels determine what and what. Cos now I can't get it out of my head. (This my friends, is a suggestion, not an accusation even though it sounds vaguely and angrily like one)

What next? It only takes away my ability to be happy and move on. And it eats up my endurance. And it gives me a gloomy perspective of life.

It's all about studying to move on to more studying to move on to an ideal.

Watch what you say educators. Your words have a huge influence on people who care. Or care too much. At least on the subconcious it has an effect.

I suppose it has a lot to do with how I deal with things. (Well, duh) Gimme a break now, I'm growing up. In Singapore.

I have got to re-wire my mentality to put it to success mode. yeah right, tried that so many times. I have got to see a shrink. I can't help it. Why am i stressing so much over something that I can't see?

I suppose I'm just afraid things won't turn out the way I want them to. I need them to.

I want my As! Do I think I have done enough?

Did I panic?

Did I try my best?

Did I try my best to get over it?

What's wrong with me?

Don't answer these for me, I know. I suppose it's like driving through the middle of nowhere without a map seeking for solutions. When will we get there? I told you, we'll get there when we get there. Shut up for the rest of the drive.

Still, it isn't a case of "The more my prayers, the lesser my grace". God has been kind enough to me, and I don't blame Him for things that don't seem to work out since I'm not omniscient. How would I know that it can be part of a larger frame of things that work out? Haha, well its a different story when you know the question's easy and how to do it, but you panic, there's no time and you didn't study it clearly enough, but you did study it.

Moral of the story: Don't assume things and point fingers at divinity, demons or humanity. We ain't blessed with an all-seeing eye.

Well now I see a bit of the shining point lighting up the despair. Suppose I can start off by not writing off uncertainty as positive.

Cos you'll never know. Just hope it doesn't bite you in the ass.

Also, even if things don't work out when the results come out, they're also a part of uncertainty that's in the rest of your life.

Bah, will be lending my textbook, notes, TYS and solutions for next year O level students. Haha, you'll like my notes if you can understand it.

I've done what I can.

I'll fly higher cos they can't stop me.

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Just what I can say about things that screwed me. Hahah, what better way to put it?

Labels: Darkness, Essence of Sprouting

Ever heard of Kylie Minogue's Chocolate from her 2003 album Body Language? That was before she had breast cancer, but that's besides the point. I'm glad she's back and definitely electrifying and magnetic. Go Kylie.

Kylie Minogue - Chocolate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1LOSQ6wSmw

Fragile seams
I opened up too quick and all my dreams
Were walking out i'd slowly
Lost my fire
With every single man a river cried

I had no sensation
Completely numb, left with no satisfaction
I thought no-one could ever get me high again
I swear, I was not looking

Oh, waited so long
I thought the real thing was a fake
I thought it was a tool to break me down
You proved me wrong again

[Chorus]
If love were liquid it would drown me

In a placeless place would find me then

Melt me slowly down

In a heart shape come around me and

If love were human it would know me
In a lost space come and show me
Hold me and control me and then
Melt me slowly down
Like chocolate

Tastes so good
My heart's been mended who'd have thought it would
An empty bet and still I won the cash
A man who I love and who
Loves me back

Oh, waited so long
For love to heal me so I'd feel it
Thought it wasn't breathing then you came
You proved me wrong again

[Chorus]

Like chocolate come here
Zoom in, catch the smile
There's no doubt it's from you
And I'm addicted to it now

Just one look boy to melt me down
Just one heart here to save me now
Your candy kisses are sweet I know
Hold me tight baby don't let go

[Repeat]

[Chorus]

If love were liquid it would drown me
In a placeless place would find me
In a heart shape come around me and then
Melt me slowly down
Like chocolate

Listening to the song itself, it really well.. sounds like a sweet addiction, or if sex could be translated into a song, it would probably sound like that (not that I know it will sound like that lah!)

With Kylie's wispy vocals (which Mythili says it's the same noise you get when you pinch a baby), and the perfect blend of pop music, it's like you'll find yourself absorbed into the content of the song. Like... being drowned in a pool of warm, smooth, sticky high-grade chocolate. Ooh and it has this numbing, heavy, lingering, anaesthetic smell that punctures all your senses.

Sounds like alcohol. They have chocolate filled with alcohol anyway. In my previous post, I said I don't touch alcohol in itself (which means it would exclude yummy yummy food like herbal chicken), which points to mhmmm I don't know, vodka?

It's like, when you change the context of the song, alcohol becomes like the love Kylie is singing about, or the chocolate that she's having that really tastes like love. I suppose people who take alcohol, appreciate it, REALLY REALLY appreciate it *ahem* or just try it out of curiosity might feel this way, since I wouldn't know just yet.

Skipping the part on how alcohol is good for you, bad for you, or the fact that you're an underage drinker, I'm not really gonna talk about that since it's your life and how you wanna run it is your business.

What's really fascinating and disturbing is the addiction.

Perhaps being at this age, lack of understanding from erm, life experiences, and the fact that I don't want to think about this now, I can't really describe an addiction except through analogies. Well when I do get an answer I'll update.

What I think an addiction is:

you try it for the first time -> you can choose to like it or not -> you end up wanting another go at it whether you like it or not -> because somehow it does something for you, even if you say, no, just by going back, something is definitely ticking -> you have it a few more times -> you keep coming back for more, whether it makes sense to you or not, sometimes subconciously -> addiction?

The effects vary of course. But I'm guessing how it pretty much goes in the process.

Mhmm, just by ordinary everyday speech and emotional reactions, even if we don't really know the person, we can somehow tell what their lives are like behind the facade we see. And of course, whether we choose to close one eye or not is up to us.

History Lesson:

The USSR under Gorbachev continues an anti-alcohol campaign which is hugely unpopular with the ordinary Russians, especially when vodka is the only way they can get plentiful, cheap and an escape from the misery of living under a Communist regime.

It is met with a lot of opposition, and I suppose if my class had a say, Gorbachev would lose his presidential post even more (which he did).

I wouldn't say who, but by the angsty posts when I blog-hop (nothing in the Net is ever private), making observations of them going "WHY WOULD THEY BAN VODKA?!", or maybe a trip down to the supermarket and being asked how to pronounce "Bacardi" and watching someone get fascinated by the alcohol shelf... secretly whining for an older person to buy some off the shelf.

Well, like I said, even if you don't take it regularly, simply by wanting more of it when its access is restricted to you... or not, isn't that already an addiction since it's clear that a dependence on alcohol has been formed.

Doesn't help that you're only 16.

Apparently, it's a mental thing. Is it an emotional state of mind? I don't know. I'm not stopping anyone here, unless they're my 16-year-old friends. For one thing, I care. Ignore this message if you think I'm talking crap, but if you're specifically a friend of mine, you'd better listen to what I have to say. As far as I'm concerned, it's an obligation of mine that I'll have to tell you this, but whether any of you are going to listen, it's a personal choice.

Wanting lots of booze, damn doesn't it sound destructive? Yup I don't really care if I sound like a virginal geek now. So what if I am? I understand the implications of posting this on non-private cyberspace, and yeah, this is my blog. Welcome if you haven't realised.

Whether you think this is a bad thing or not, and that you can get off the hook cos, c'mon, you're not really addicted, and it just makes you forget all your troubles when the stuff trickles down your throat.

HUH? CONTRADICTION MUCH! It's like saying, I don't need it, oh wait I do, I don't want it, oh yeah can I have some now?

Get it?

Precisely it is the dependence that's really scary. A little once in a while is fine (as long as you're legal), but you're not. There's a reason why it's imposed on the underage. Besides preventing lawlessness, it's like a barrier that doesn't want you to feel a need for it at such an age, when you're physically and mentally developing.

Logically, it does make some sense because when you think of it. Like how there are laws against sexual activity for and with minors.

Besides the socio-economic factors, there is also the question of whether the teen is ready for marriage and sex. Not like people don't know how to have sex (that's why the Internet was invented). it also has to do with the mental development. The logical side isn't as developed as the emotional side of the brain and the physical development.

Hypothesising, the same goes for alcohol. People depend on alcohol when they're getting on their years because it energizes them, or relaxes them, or when they're old enough to handle it and not abuse it (unfortunately many adults haven't grown up either).

Being a teen and making comparisons to say, people in their 20s, 30s, 40s etc., it's obvious that teens have a natural revitaliser that works a lot better than older people, why else would they yearn to be 16 again, taking O's, and up and about for the whole day and not feeling as tired as they would at their ages?

Like how I don't do skincare products except for cleanser and in the future, pimple cream, I don't wish for my skin to get so pampered by the products that it can't start working it's natural magic for me when it actually has the ability to. By having that dependence, a sudden lack of NIVEA hand cream etc. might cause some side effects since you're so used to it.

Or who knows, your natural revitaliser wouldn't work as well as it should.

Addiction's still the worst, you want more when you don't need it. Gonna carry this for the rest of your life? Also, if you start something unsuitable earlier in life, most likely it's going to have some consequences in your later life.

Bristol Palin, Jamie Lynn Spears (who cares, they're rich), mhm Lindsay Lohan? She had too much of fame in her younger years, and it's so obvious she can't handle it. Consequence: Her fortune's squandered away already.

10 years from now, I wouldn't want to hear of anyone I know pulling a Christopher Lee. I'd rather be an unknown loser rather than an infamous character.



Liking alcohol is one thing, though I wouldn't encourage liking it now. Of course, moderation is another. Uh-uh, by wanting more even if you don't get to drink it that often is not moderation, it's already in your head that if you can have more, you would. Moderation is only when you get to freely drink it, then you make a concious choice to balance your intake.

Labels: Essence of Sprouting, Questions, Real Life

This is bad. I have to stop this. Let me entertain you with my intelligent, quirky banter in a narration of today's events, that will somehow link to your lives through mine. Go storytelling.

Woke up at 7 to sms HuiJuan about Physics lesson, cos I'm not going to be late again (like I have been for all my Physics lessons on Saturdays), especially not 1 plus hour. Drifted back and forth to sleep wondering if she'll sms back, keeping me on the edge of "Should I skip this or not?".

Why I'm a bad student

1. Why wake up on a Friday morning during a holiday to go all the way to school?

2. My SPA file is less than ready. (Guilty as charged) Yeah... I'll probably end of doing copies of SPAs I didn't bother to dig out.

3. When I get there, I'd probably feel like tearing my test to shreds cos it wouldn't make the least sense to me.

4. Falling asleep in class sounds tempting, might as well snuggle up in my nice warm bed.

5. Don't think I'll understand everything that Mr Ng will talk about, the rest of the class will be like "OOOOOOOOO~" and Hui Juan will be like "But why?!!" and I'll be like "Relax, it's probably *crap explanation*, I dunno *slips into lalaland*" . Then Mr Ng will be slapping his forehead (inwardly, i can read teachers okay.) and say erm... logic governed by the laws of Physics that don't make any sense.

Why I'm a good student

1. I can't stay in bed past 10 or 11 anymore, and have the temptation to slip back into sleep. Being forced to go to school is a good thing. No more of such terrible habits that spring their ugly head during holidays.

2. I'll feel really really really bad about skipping. My conscience wouldn't forgive me for snubbing Mr Ng like I was some kind of diva by turning up fashionably late (it's never fashionable to be late though...no matter how late I turn up, I do understand this and try my best to get my lazy ass off the bed), or not turning up at all (it really bugs me, especially if I know I did have control over my actions, it's not like I was knocked out completely. I was half-awake at 7 for goodness sake)

3. Kept awake by the word to be a good girl, and it doesn't help that it so happened to be the birthday of the friend my mouth had to open and say "okok I'll try". As again, I was half-awake. It's a concious effort.

4. Damn, I have to stop saying things I might not be able to fulfil. I made a big big promise (to Someone more important of course, so going to need all the help I can get) to take care of myself. And going for Physics is like, a huge neon sign going blink blink "What are you waiting for? Get off the bed you... sloth? (so my friends, do not commit one of the seven deadly sins, especially if you have control over yourself)". Oh yeah... running from temptation is definitely better than resisting it headfirst.

5. If I never went, I'll never know. He might not ask for the SPA file, I'll magically know how to save my Physics test (fat chance), Data Source questions are actually my thing and I can do them so much better than Literature (sarcasm to be taken at the fullest). Or I can mooch off Hui Juan's data source and expect myself to understand everything that he says.

6. Maybe there'd be so little people turning up he wouldn't even touch SPA or Data Source. *crosses fingers* Eventually, I'll have to do both anyways, if not today, next next week in school. Worst still, have the test when I go back to school staying back like a sucker.

You can guess which was it that I picked. For the 17 other classmates that turned up that is.

Amazingly, simply because within the time I waited anxiously for Hui Juan's sms, and never once hoping that Mr Ng would cancel the lesson, being thrown back and forth to sleep and my conflicting thoughts, simply on whether I should turn up or not, would lead me to a descision that I should fulfil if not for anyone else, myself.

I guess it's a good thing I was unable to fully go back to sleep after 7am messaging Hui Juan. Simply from that one hour of questioning the 2 sides in my head, I guess it's brought home a bigger conflict that goes beyond going for Physics lesson on a Friday morning in September's bestest non-school week, which I guess I've got that covered.

Well... Physics was just a test and going through of the test, after that consultation which I didn't stay for, since I came empty handed for consultation materials. No SPA file, no Data Source (oh yeah!) *uncrosses fingers*

Despite being groggy, it's quite impressive that I'd probably have scored the same (as badly) as when I'm fully awake. At least I didn't panic ... just stare at the paper and reason with the little I remember, before deciding Faraday's Law (the only thing I really studied) would come into handy. Still can't believe I scored full for a.c generator when I don't know all the shit about it.

(I've never had alcohol as itself, though don't partake in vodka, bacardi, booze etc. will explain this later). Like being all groggy, half-asleep, half-dreaming, like running through virtual reality, all detached and pale. Sniffling and my mucus tap just won't turn off, my hair looking sick, yup sick. I'm more inaudible than usual, mumbling things that I don't hear and expect fully of others to hear it. And I feel like I can push my hand into anyone's face just to shut them up.

Mhmm hmmm girl you gotta stop this. I know I can't wake up every morning like I've gotten a hangover though I've never drank before. I guess the bigger conflict resolved would be knowing that besides laziness, it is just the fact that I don't want to get up at all cos getting up just reminds me of a school day where there's so much shit ahead.

I'm not a morning person, and it certainly isn't one of those rare days when I get up and say "Today, I shall conquer the world".

I suppose the reason why I don't want to go to sleep would be that it would be ending my favourite part of the day, which involves no school and no stress, well not a lot of it anyway. (This is after much thought. Not very much an excuse to me)

Time to stop running away. I guess I just gotta let it stop getting to me and biting me in the ass. Maybe that's why I had to make that promise - I never trusted myself to overcome this demon alone because it sure goes beyond liking to hibernate. More of the alluring comfort of sleep, that when I'm in a different realm, at least the subconcious where no one can touch me.

Perhaps because I felt so weak wanting to keep this to myself and not talk about it that I've never really given it much thought. You don't say prayers without a reason and I suppose when I was half-asleep, I've been wanting some help with this. And there the promise slips through my lips, since I know I won't ever be alone on this.

There's a whole day ahead for me to go after, and too much sleep will deprive that.

Goodnight and Good Morrow.

Labels: Accomplishments, Blogs, Essence of Sprouting, Questions, Quirks, Real Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, Teen Angst

This is a blog post for the sanity of us all.

Anyway darlings, this is for you too. Just so happened today I'm shifted to the back of the class, after the previous seat arrangement with lots of grievances involved. However, when I'm back with Sharon, it means I let my guard down and start giving off a dangerous vibe. Otherwise known as "emo-ing".

I hope I didn't scare Don too much, really I don't mind sitting next to you, in fact it's my pleasure to sit next to an untidy math nerd/pro (yeah.. your math skills are just as ... distinguishable as your handwriting, no one really beats you at this!) REALLY! If you're reading this: You'll get to know me better, and I'm harmless when I emo...well at least it wouldn't be directed at the parties not involved. See I'm a good girl.

So there, emo-ing in my seat cos I was feeling frustrated at everything, especially the shit of kinematics (settled today by my wonderful, preetyful, smartass Grace LOVEYOU i can't survive without you oh great lifeline paid 50 bucks per 2hours to be forced to sit next to me). Well, Math's gonna give me a brain tumour soon. Seething emotions and a headache, like when Gek Kim doesn't get the debate motion after more than half an hour, which by the way is 'Non-biodegradable materials should be charged more in consumption'. And some other issues that seem like such a waste of time.

It's the idea of how Prelims is in 20 days, O's in 75 days that really scare the shit out of me, and yeah I felt like breaking down during Amath. I wonder if it's a mental thing to feel like I'm not doing anything though I'm trying.

Anyway, thinking of how many other must feel the same way, I guess what we can do is be mutually supportive in every way we can... Okay that sounds so MsOng.

Since I'm currently unable to spend my time with you guys (aww), but here it is anyway... Will be updating on individual dedications like everyone's doing. I'm jumping on the bandwagon to spread the loooove. Do follow the link :) Yeah it means this much that i'm posting both the vid and the lyrics, don't disappoint me! GOGOGO!!

Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWixUIMTjYc

Lyrics:

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Yeah...Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall


Yup... That's about it, shall blog more about this, plus the dedications tomorrow... Just some things I wanted to say but couldn't. Yeah and now I do love Christina Aguilera, don't care if some people find her annoying. I just like her vocals and strength. As usual.

Goodnight! I shan't be late tomorrow... corright Mr Ang? (Damn he still has hallucinations about me being late and starts lecturing me!)

Labels: Darkness, Essence of Sprouting, Friends, Real Life, Teen Angst

Changed my blogskin! Yup, definitely a breather from the bandwidth
exceeded photobucket shit. GRR! Ah well, I've grown to like my new skin already. At first I was so pissed off at blogskins cos there wasn't any skin that really appealed to me.

The basic writing styles etc. wouldn't change (back to skimming through my blog posts), but I guess from here, it would take a more analytical, 3rd party, Freudian perspective. Like I said, "more". :) I ain't going nowhere. Not planning to!

BTW, I'm not emo in this post, haha you should know me. Just being contemplative here.

Well it's just that some serious things happened lately, and by 'serious' it really is an understatement. *shifty* Just didn't know how much it snowballed. So there, I'm using this bloggy to do reflecting and all, so be happy Ms Ong. (don't come here after I've graduated thank you! I still need you and your impression of me to write my testimonial HEHEH)

Come on over, come on over baby.

Personally, I feel that because of my ambiguity (well more so than others), I really do leave it up to people to decide who I am, as in what they think of me. So, they just map out a picture of what they think, and react accordingly. Ah well, as much as it's not been an easy ride this way, at least it's told me who I can really trust to give me hand to, and take their hands. Again it's up to them to think if it's their loss or gain.

Suddenly I have to face the fact that I've a lot more internal and external mazes that I'd like to face up to. So yeah, a lot has got to do with perspective, from the most subliminal to the blatant. Tough nut to crack eh?

It's just, I had no idea that things snowballed to this state today, it's almost subconcious. Haha, this would be a good time to say that I might be taking drama too seriously. Wait, everyone's got drama in their lives.

Take acting.

There's the actor who just does whatever the director says.
There's the actor who goes against the director and does her own thing like a freaking diva. (Please don't bring Queenie into this! I'm the biggest diva here can!*flips hair* Check me out Queenie! I can do this hair flipping thing better than you can rock your silver strappy attention-deficit sandals)

See!! RAWR that's what I mean.

Then there's the director who's pretty much blur on how to do blocking, deal with difficult actors, then just decides "Let's just get this over with" and does a shitty job.
Or the perfectionist director who's getting walked over by everything. Exerting control is futile.

The frustrated senior and the impatient junior.
The perfectionist and the slacker.
The train wreck and the completely normal person.
The girl who scares Mdm Priya and also scared by her.

But I haven't lost my sense of purpose and sanity yet.. I think. Purpose definitely not. The people around me and the world, plus some reflections have settled that. Thank you guys (: For you all mean so much to me, I've gone to this extent.

Time for the tough to get going!

(And yes, I will do what I have to do. Sounds familiar, Sec3s? Look I'm doing it too!)

That aside, DAMNIT I WAS LATE TODAY. Woke up at the same time, stood at the bus stop at the same freaking time, maybe even earlier. 3 buses went by cause of the crowd... GRR. Darn, it's always the adults (at my stop) that are the frigging hell most kiasu ones. I can't tell you how many times i got shoved, pushed, ignored and treated like... just so they can get on the bus first, though we've been waiting earlier. We gots to go to school people. LOL, trying to beat the ERP is it? Damn, and to think the school always gets complaint letter about teens. Sure they're inconsiderate but not all of us. Uncivilised? We're not always in the wrong dammit. Look at yourselves. Yes it's coming from a teenager, call me defiant and rebellious and I haven't got parents for nuts. I'm just stating a fact.

Okay la, that's not the reason why I'm late. It's just 3 buses too crowded.. so it wasn't really my day. But I'm not gonna ruin it. :)

Hmm, I wonder if some teachers got something against me already. Ah well, I try to stay out of shit anyway. HOHO I CAN READ YOUR CUES PEOPLE. So yeah, i realised that whether or not you get punished for latecoming is mostly due to the teacher's mood. Observe.

Teachers in bad mood usually seem like they're having menopause (for women) or men-opause(for men) Thank you Shawn for this bit of info. I do feel sorry for you knowing an old man in his mid life crisis having problems with that. Would a gynae help?

Well...
They almost seem like Christopher Boone. 3 red cars makes it a good day. 5 yellow cars is a black day. Seriously! Like, 3 strikes and you're out. 3 good things happened to me before 7.25 and you're all scot-free.

Good mood: HELLO STUDENTS! Ya, what to do, the bus like that today! All write a complaint letter to SBS okay! For 45 years, and still like that. We have a world class service, so we should do something about it.

Me (under my breath, deadpan stare): Sure... world class service. Like what happened when mas selamat escaped. They're not going to respond to some dumbass letter. Hundreds of these must've been written 45 years ago, don't you think so too, Mr Ang? Common sense, I might be late, but I'm not as tired as I seem.

Who knows we can do another musical about his capture 45 years later to celebrate: Our Pride, Our Toilets.

Bad Mood: Today would be a splendid example.

Now I know how it feels like to be in one of those war movies where Jews and their buddies get locked up in Naze concentration camps, ooh ohh with an oversized Nazi prison warden too! With a deep scary voice, and a burly physique. Well, today I was 10 minutes late. Sat with Anjelica at the latecomers parade, human zoo, museum, whatever you want to call it. It's a free exhibit where people can go tsktsktsk, make dumb comments, or laugh and wave HI! to the exhibits and hope they respond. HI SHAWN! YOU SAW US TODAY! *waves*

Anyway, saw Huiyi, Syafiqah, Ann Perng etc. too... haha not me alone. Ah well, at least i didn't waste 55cents more than those people who chose to switch to 154 thought they would most likely be late. Well, let's put things into context.

We were living in fear and boredom, just chatting, thinking of the optimisms and downs in life... then the warden came. Silence. Then an order to have a small space, with a specific distance from the other souls. Some barking, discussing with a higher-up, seperating the persistent cases ... and then the meting out of the physical labour.

I sigh and I would rather be let back into my ghetto. C'mon it's bad enough to be there, here too?! 1 round around the camp within a stipulated time. Making the best out of it, Anj and I took our time and laughed our asses off. She was to lose an important personal possesion because of the sweat from her forehead wasn't very friendly.

Yippee, sentenced to another round. (damn, haven't done running in sucha long time)

Oh come on, it's so... freaking alike, except that the context is different. We get cleaned up and I went for English class 40 minutes late. So tempted to tell Mdm Priya that I went for a trip to the Nazi camp, then decided to tell her I was late. Ruined the fun.

Wow, I realised that I'm becoming a lot more harsh and critical about things, rather than choosing to sit on the fence... Guess I just can't shut up anymore. LOL, my mouth isn't likely to take a holiday anytime soon.

Like what Mark Lee said:

Actually I was very quiet in primary school, but when I went to secondary school, i discovered the joy of talking. And I haven't stopped since.

OH MY!

Labels: Darkness, Essence of Sprouting, Real Life, Secondary School Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, Teen Angst, To-do list

MMMM! Omg, a few days of emo-ness and mood swings, then with relatively nothing that interests me enough to eat at home, I finally gave in just now. Ahaha, felt this strange need to eat when I was feelin' blue, then I had some sweet bread. Yep, sweet bread, a whole load of empty carbs. And no, I don't think I have an eating probrem :). I'm just as normal as a girl wanting a bit of chocolate during heartbreak.

Well sweet bread was nicely topped with some sweetness (duh), a bit of sugar on top, and the skin was absolutely fragrant (even though it wasn't piping hot) and a joy to sink your teeth in. But the insides are a bit of a failure, GRR NOT SOFT ENOUGH.

Okay, so... here's my food list for today.

Noon (brunch) - Half a peanut-ish kueh (called mang zang kueh), with one youtiao (otherwise known as deep fried breadstick - doesn't it sound a lot classier like this?)

5plusPM - Spaghetti only a Constance's mum can make. She made thick spag noodle cruchy. Read: Crunchy!!! And I mean it, it's heavenly. Especially when every strand? of noodle is coated with Mushroom pesto sauce from Prego. IT ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF. Plus, Stephanie's having a craving for that too. Mmm, the delightful smell of mushrooms, sweet-sour tomato-ey sauce emanates (literally) from the plate of spaghetti.

In order to achieve that, she boiled the spag first and drained. Then fry the egg, prawns and sotong (otherwise known as squid or a blur person). Then in goes the noodles. And lastly the sauce. In the process the sauce is heated with everything else in the wok (yes a wok for spag adds the chinese touch of crunchiness). So it takes time for spag to absorb all the goodness of the spag, and some skill in turning the noodles. And wallah! I was happy for a few hours. (did i mention my bro kope some from me? GRR!) Ok I'm such a glutton! Oh well, nobody should be denied the simplicities of life.

Ahh, and around 11 plus, my tummy started to growl (so embarassing). Well for one thing, it's been like this for a while when I don't really satiate myself. Cos there isn't much to eat at home, (okay before you scold me), nothing I fancy putting into my mouth.

So in the end, I could only think of food. Well, today was the last straw, couldn't keep up with an empty stomach anymore. Ahaha, and the victims of the manifestation of my food craze in my mind from my tummy, were Stephanie and Hongwei. Since there was nothing on my mind except for food, I made them play this game: Take turns naming food, and see how many yes(s) and no(s), to see who has the most cravings.

I know it's creativity at hunger's turn.

So...

11plus-12plus My sweet mother couldn't stand me being hungry, (nahh she just whipped something up within 10 minutes cos I was at the com. So sweet! OKAY my hunger speaks for me). She made maggie with egg, plus orange juice fresh from the blender. Now I'm really full >.< and I can't go to bed. Oh yeah, had an apple, Calamansi lime juice, Cadbury's roast almond choc in between all that. Plus the sweet bread and a strawberry-and-cream lollipop. Sweetness craving definitely there. Ahhh Im sucha slacker!

So toodles there! Tomorrow I'm going to Mandai, S'pore zoo, armed with a Lumix cam and getting out of bed by 7.15. Think I'll be holding the camera all day long, and then uploading pics. Ah, family outings. Love it when it's all free. Though it's gonna eat up some of my time, I have an Mp3 ready.

So yeah, kids say the darndest things, though they don't really know what they're talking about, they try to squeeze the biggest words they know into simple sentences anyway. Kinda like what we do when we see words like "verbosity" and "perfidious" and "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" (OMG I GOT IT RIGHT TOO!).

So yeah, while Shawn had something to say about theatres, my brother has something to say too. While wolfing down the grade A maggi noodles (a hungry man thinks everything tastes good), I gave him my musical script.

"What's this?"

"Script. Read the pink lines. Those are mine,"

- fails to read hanyu pinyin correctly - (such inability to read pinyin comes from my mom's side. Surprisingly, my dad and I pwn them both at pinyin, though my mom pwns us all at chinese characters. duh, chinese helicopter mah)

Ahaha, besides feeling very good about myself, my brother had to add in to my confidence. How sweet of him.

"You memorise already? What if you forget?" "Erm ... won't la" "Well, I humiliated myself once in P1. I was the emcee. - glum face - "

Oh really? -recalls what happened-"

He went on stage during some Rulang Primary gala dinner where parents show off their newest brilliantest accessories and their kids' brilliant newest SA results while cajoling the teacher's favour, with another girl classmate. They keep nudging each other and giggling nervously (ahh, kids these days, move onto such complicated relationships so fast. haha no la!). Whispers of "psst psst you first you first exchanged between the two budding first-timer emcees.

Someone gave in.

Then my brother said in a very soft voice "ladies and gentlemen ... "

- nervous giggle - - stare at audience breaking out in cold sweat - OMG so many adults staring at me!

- runs off stage giggling -

There, his first attempt at emcee-ing. I wasn't there to catch his embarassing moment on tape, but I had a feeling my parents were laughing at him, or slapping their foreheads. In one fell swoop, all the performing ability of my family was thrown away. Hopes of possibly another stage talent in the family bye-bye.

All integrity of being a performer and a speaker that I accumulated over the years ... a little 7yearold stripped it all during that few defining seconds(INTEGRITY! DON'T THINK OTHERWISE!). Thank God I wasn't there, Drama Co-ord of JSS ELDDS will mei lian jian ren. I swear if I was there, I would've shouted "I DON'T KNOW THAT KID UP THERE!" and made a dive underneath the table.

"Sooo ... what happened?"

"I was shy - glum-er face - But that was nothing compared to P2. I got a whole script to memorise. So waste time!"

Sweetie, I was memorising full performances at p3, and writing scripts at p4 :). Made some unforgettable friends, so I owe drama a lot. So yeah, this makes me wonder why I'm never picked to do emcee-ing. Lack of charisma? I really don't know, cos the question is, nobody really gave me a good look to assess my abilities at emcee-ing. Oh well, maybe I'm never for introducing plays, but for being in plays?

Well they picked my bro to be emcee cos he's noisy, talkative, 'outgoing', otherwise annoying in class. Who knew he'd be so quiet on stage? Well his tecahers? Certainly not! Anyway, I'm quite frankly the opposite. More withdrawn than him, crazy among my friends, but noisy onstage. Ah this world works in mysterious ways.

Gosh can I sleep on a full stomach? Better than an empty one (woke up with gastric before) ... it shows you're pathetically starving yourself, or just plain lazy to get out of bed for a midnight snack.

Toodles! I'm going to bed now, nighty-night! Tomorrow's a new day where people parade in front of animal enclosures to provide them their daily entertainment, especially when weirdos attempt to speak their language, but oft lost in translation.

So ... this will happen tomorrow:

Bro: Mummy! I can talk to the lion! ROAR!!!!

(Lion shifts on the sunning rock. stretches. yawns. smelly breath. bedtime)

Labels: CCA, Essence of Sprouting, Family, Food, To be a Child, What's up or new, WhatcausesJoy

Mmm... I'm out of things to blog, so I'll do another quiz. :) This one's by Fatimah.

1. Do you wish to get married?

Well, yeah when the time is right? This question is getting old :P

"I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it" - Marilyn Monroe.

2. What is your favourite animal?

Mmm ... doggies. This is a favourite among a lot of people, I know. But really, can you resist them? Yeah, they can't resist me too.

I'm against consumption of shark fin, meat from endangered animals alcohol (only take if i have to), wearing real fur etc.

3. Who is the person you trust the most?

I don't know, I trust only a small handful of people. Really, this depends on the situation involved.

Trust is the connection between two people, that when you look in them in the eye, you see sincerity and genuity in all it's glory.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?

Most of the time, no. RARGH! Omg, they're so gonna kick my ass if I go DADP. Why all so smart/confident de? T.T

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anaïs Nin, Diary, 1969

5. Who is the person that you confide in?

Don't wanna say, people might blackmail/hold the person at ransom for my secrets! -gasp- LOL, I confide in the same handful of people la.

Let loose, talk to somebody. It saves lives for sure.

6. Are you satisfied with yourself?

In some ways, yes. What's not to like? HAHA I know you like me too (:
I can use more confidence though, plus some other things that I might need.
I have dreams too okay!

"You'll never have enough, would you?" - Friend when I complained about the lack of good stage performances that I wanted to do instead of Nat Day 06'.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?

The people I love. I have a problem with seperation and death of relationships.

Myself. I'm terribly afraid of losing control of myself.

And a lot of other things! Argh, I don't know if I can live losing my creativity, my handwriting, my taste in music, my sight, my dreams, worst case is ...

"I like good changes like becoming an astronaut, but not big changes like becoming a girl" - Christopher, Curious Incident.

LOL those will never come true, especially the last part.

8. Do you believe in eternity love?

Yes, partly cos of my stupidity and naivete. Or maybe it just means I'm really patient. Hey, I fell for the paperclip scam, remember?

With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt... because love is an amazing feeling. - Britney Spears

How ironic ... Would you listen to Britney if she's the one who said this?
Even if she does have some sense here (she's lost a lot of it lately), looking at what happened to her now, as a result of a broken marriage, do you really wanna listen to this? Like seriously. What if you end up whacking a papparazzo 's car with an umbrella and shave your head?

9. Have you broken someone's heart that he tried to commit suicide?

LOL, people move on and don't think suicidal. Maybe the thought of "ARGH i feel like dying", but nothing close to someone being like

'I cut myself to feel aliiiiiiive!!!" - Tickle Me Emo, Depress-a-me Street

10. What do you like about yourself?

Well actually I'm in love with myself. Oh wait, that's Marlyna. She kissed herself in the mirror (which is why I'm never bored during musical).

If I can list one thing I like about myself, I like the fact that my actions have shown that I'm not afraid to be different from the rest. Plus I can be easy to talk to, and I choose to do things the right way. Ahh temptation, resist resist resist! I'ma good listener, very patient, compassionate, devoted to the cause, I'm geared towards language etc.

OMG I ROCK! okayokay sorry ^^

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuFBKfNvfGU&feature=related

- MADtv Aren't Asians Great? (parody of Gwen Stefani)

11. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?

Ah, Mrs Aidil made us do this question before! Hahah she rocks. Anyway, well, the basics of a r/s (everyone's answered this already) plus

attraction + effective communication + mutual understanding

Oh and, please be funny, entertain me and I shall do the same. Really, no boring guys please! Hahaha, Anjelica check your phone! Think we made a list which will never come true! Far from it actually!

12. Do you cherish every friendship of yours?

Well, duh. I love you people.

13. Do you treasure your family?

Well, yeah. In fact, those people who have parents/grandparents to make lunch or dinner for them everyday are very lucky. It's wonderful to have a meal that your Mummy made waiting for you when you come home.

14. What do you dislike the most?

Gosh do you want me to flood this post? I dislike the feeling of inferiority, injustice, jealousy, stupid people ... etc. But i hate losing control of myself arrrgh.

15. Who do you hope to be always there for you?

This qn is familiar, please refer to a previous post!

16. What do you regret most in life?

Not jumping on every opportunity, being too scared, letting people walk over me etc. And some things that could have been done, like not procrastinating ahaha! XD

17. Do you believe in love at first sight???

Yep, anything can happen. If i believe that love needs time to mature, I have to be fair to this logic too.

18. Do you love your friends?

Repeated qn! Duh. :) My friends deserve my love, otherwise they won't be friends.

19. Which date you like the most?

I can't say it's my birthday, cos Cambridge will gimme a special present called O Level paper.

20. If you have a dream to come true, what would it be?

LOL! WORLD PEACE - snatches miss universe crown -

Nah, I'll wish for something more realistic. Like for lives to be saved?
Really i don't know.

I have too many dreams that i want to see coming true!

21. What is the one thing that you want to do for this world?

I want to change people's lives in a positive manner, be they friends, acquaintances or strangers.

As again I won't impose on who to do this quiz.

Instructions: Remove one question from the above and add in your personal question to make it a total 20 questions.Then tag 8 people in your list. List them out at the end of your post.Notify them in their chatbox that he/she have been tagged. Whoever does the tag, would get blessing from all.

Replace "do you love your friends" qn 18 to "how far would you go for freedom of speech?".

Labels: Essence of Sprouting, To be a Child, To-do list, What's up or new

Labels: Darkness, Essence of Sprouting, Food, Friends, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, Teen Angst, WhatcausesJoy

identity-finder, half-thinker, thought-translater, life-pacer, adversary-fighter, grown-wiser, subtle-humour, nail-biter, indulgent-appreciator, pragmatic-dreamer, irony-murdered, unglamourous-puss, rocket-bunny

october 1st, sixteen, libran, singapore, tutor, christian, student, daughter, sister, friend, writer, artist, teenager, life, love

corny in a paradigm where sense and non sequiturs go together, taking it in like vanilla ice cream on a banana split, or sand on a boot. whichever goes.

Adelina Anjelica Cassandra Clarissa Daniel Esther E-von Geraldine Hairil HongWei Huiyi Jasmin Jasmine Jay Joseph Kenneth Marlyna Mythili Nadrah Samuel Sharon Sisi Shawn Stephanie Szeyuan Tivona YongQuan SHAKIRA Bare Feet JSS ELDDS

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