This is bad. I have to stop this. Let me entertain you with my intelligent, quirky banter in a narration of today's events, that will somehow link to your lives through mine. Go storytelling.
Woke up at 7 to sms HuiJuan about Physics lesson, cos I'm not going to be late again (like I have been for all my Physics lessons on Saturdays), especially not 1 plus hour. Drifted back and forth to sleep wondering if she'll sms back, keeping me on the edge of "Should I skip this or not?".
Why I'm a bad student1. Why wake up on a Friday morning during a holiday to go all the way to school?
2. My SPA file is less than ready. (Guilty as charged) Yeah... I'll probably end of doing copies of SPAs I didn't bother to dig out.
3. When I get there, I'd probably feel like tearing my test to shreds cos it wouldn't make the least sense to me.
4. Falling asleep in class sounds tempting, might as well snuggle up in my nice warm bed.
5. Don't think I'll understand everything that Mr Ng will talk about, the rest of the class will be like "OOOOOOOOO~" and Hui Juan will be like "But why?!!" and I'll be like "Relax, it's probably *crap explanation*, I dunno *slips into lalaland*" . Then Mr Ng will be slapping his forehead
(inwardly, i can read teachers okay.) and say erm... logic governed by the laws of Physics that don't make any sense.
Why I'm a good student1. I can't stay in bed past 10 or 11 anymore, and have the temptation to slip back into sleep. Being forced to go to school is a
good thing. No more of such terrible habits that spring their ugly head during holidays.
2. I'll feel really really really bad about skipping. My conscience wouldn't forgive me for snubbing Mr Ng like I was some kind of diva by turning up fashionably late
(it's never fashionable to be late though...no matter how late I turn up, I do understand this and try my best to get my lazy ass off the bed), or not turning up at all
(it really bugs me, especially if I know I did have control over my actions, it's not like I was knocked out completely. I was half-awake at 7 for goodness sake)3. Kept awake by the word to be a good girl, and it doesn't help that it so happened to be the birthday of the friend my mouth had to open and say "okok I'll try". As again, I was half-awake. It's a concious effort.
4. Damn, I have to stop saying things I might not be able to fulfil. I made a big big promise (to
Someone more important of course, so going to need all the help I can get) to take care of myself. And going for Physics is like, a huge neon sign going blink blink "What are you waiting for? Get off the bed you... sloth?
(so my friends, do not commit one of the seven deadly sins, especially if you have control over yourself)". Oh yeah... running from temptation is definitely better than resisting it headfirst.
5. If I never went, I'll never know. He might not ask for the SPA file, I'll magically know how to save my Physics test (fat chance), Data Source questions are actually my thing and I can do them so much better than Literature (sarcasm to be taken at the fullest). Or I can mooch off Hui Juan's data source and expect myself to understand everything that he says.
6. Maybe there'd be so little people turning up he wouldn't even touch SPA or Data Source. *crosses fingers* Eventually, I'll have to do both anyways, if not today, next next week in school. Worst still, have the test when I go back to school staying back like a sucker.
You can guess which was it that I picked. For the 17 other classmates that turned up that is.
Amazingly, simply because within the time I waited anxiously for Hui Juan's sms, and never once hoping that Mr Ng would cancel the lesson, being thrown back and forth to sleep and my conflicting thoughts, simply on whether I should turn up or not, would lead me to a descision that I should fulfil if not for anyone else, myself.
I guess it's a good thing I was unable to fully go back to sleep after 7am messaging Hui Juan. Simply from that one hour of questioning the 2 sides in my head, I guess it's brought home a bigger conflict that goes beyond going for Physics lesson on a Friday morning in September's bestest non-school week, which I guess I've got that covered.
Well... Physics was just a test and going through of the test, after that consultation which I didn't stay for, since I came empty handed for consultation materials. No SPA file, no Data Source (oh yeah!) *uncrosses fingers*
Despite being groggy, it's quite impressive that I'd probably have scored the same (as badly) as when I'm fully awake. At least I didn't panic ... just stare at the paper and reason with the little I remember, before deciding Faraday's Law (the only thing I really studied) would come into handy. Still can't believe I scored full for a.c generator when I don't know all the shit about it.
(I've never had alcohol as itself, though don't partake in vodka, bacardi, booze etc. will explain this later). Like being all groggy, half-asleep, half-dreaming, like running through virtual reality, all detached and pale. Sniffling and my mucus tap just won't turn off, my hair looking sick, yup sick. I'm more inaudible than usual, mumbling things that I don't hear and expect fully of others to hear it. And I feel like I can push my hand into anyone's face just to shut them up.
Mhmm hmmm girl you gotta stop this. I know I can't wake up every morning like I've gotten a hangover though I've never drank before. I guess the bigger conflict resolved would be knowing that besides laziness, it is just the fact that I don't want to get up at all cos getting up just reminds me of a school day where there's so much shit ahead.
I'm not a morning person, and it certainly isn't one of those rare days when I get up and say "Today, I shall conquer the world".
I suppose the reason why I don't want to go to sleep would be that it would be ending my favourite part of the day, which involves no school and no stress, well not a lot of it anyway. (This is after much thought. Not very much an excuse to me)
Time to stop running away. I guess I just gotta let it stop getting to me and biting me in the ass. Maybe that's why I had to make that promise - I never trusted myself to overcome this demon alone because it sure goes beyond liking to hibernate. More of the alluring comfort of sleep, that when I'm in a different realm, at least the subconcious where no one can touch me.
Perhaps because I felt so weak wanting to keep this to myself and not talk about it that I've never really given it much thought. You don't say prayers without a reason and I suppose when I was half-asleep, I've been wanting some help with this. And there the promise slips through my lips, since I know I won't ever be alone on this.
There's a whole day ahead for me to go after, and too much sleep will deprive that.
Goodnight and Good Morrow.
Labels: Accomplishments, Blogs, Essence of Sprouting, Questions, Quirks, Real Life, Seeds of Smartness Sown to Show-off, Teen Angst
