hey ya'll.. i'm back, that is if you're still there, by the way the title above totally reflects what I will be typing. Fear is a thing with forty-eyes, and from the hours of 7 to 11, the fear's real and larger than life. Thriller night, I know .. just about as scary as a little boy spending the night with Michael Jackson. (disclaimer: no offence mj, just kidding)
Most recently i have developed a form of
claustrophobia. And recently is actually half an hour ago.
Sorry if you all happened to be the one that i disturbed in the past weeks. If you got this treatment, ha too bad! HEH HEH HEH. oh well, you wanna be my friend right?
I'm sure you guys know why is this girl running around like a train that's lost control. Lord if You love me You'll rescue me now. Please. Knock me out, anything, just get it over and done with.
Am i for a dose of retalin?
If you have no idea what that is, ever heard Billie Joe from Green Day singing
"soda pop and retalin, no one ever died for my sins in hell". Okay you haven't. Retalin is a medicine used to treat hyperactivity, except that the one i suffer from isn't the one like my brother is constantly experiencing.
It's a lot deeper that that. Ever felt like being on crazy clockwork and going tick tock tick tock on a time bomb? Yes, that's what i'm getting. I feel the panic rushing through my veins, and my eyes are wide open though i should be sleepy by now. Tick tock, watch the time on my radar, you're losing it.
I hate this, i want to concentrate on studying. I could, last time though .. I could bury myself with a textbook, you know, jump into an open grave and let the textbooks pile. Or I could use the very thick amaths text to hit my sardonic head with. (re:
sardonic = mocking. yes my sanity is becoming an insult to mankind)
Or i could distract myself with some TV, newspapers, the Net, friends, i love you people.. now i can't be left alone. I am claustrophobic because ..
Because.. I'm starting to fear loneliness. Yes, that's a fact. The house is empty, and I don't like it like this. You can't understand this! You just can't! I'd give anything for my brother and mother to come back. Come on home! Nag at me! Annoy me!
I'm not an attention seeker. Really, haters, if you thought so, you don't know me. Something is wrong and I know it. I'm aware. I feel only the cold rush of air through the steely window and the fan. It's not boredom, save me from myself. I want to hang out at Stephanie's, if this can cure this fear.
I'm doing anything to fill up the house ..and and keep myself occupied. It's too silent, too empty, too blank. It musn't reflect my soul. It can't, i wouldn't allow it. DARN I WISH I WENT SWIMMING INSTEAD! WHO CARES IF I HAVE 2 DUMB PAPERS I'M GOING NUTS HERE.
I can't stand the silence, it's creeping up to me, leave me alone i tell you! SHOO! Don't make me set my Dad's outdated luo han on you! It bites and you're not going to like it.
Soo now we know my symptoms .. fear of being alone, fear of uncertainty, fear of a large and empty home, constant panic, u name it.
It's so stupid, trust me to do something stupid. At least watching That's So Raven took my mind off for a while. Thank God for SCV.
I seriously hate you now, why are you doing this to me. Bet you can't even understand it, you just won't. Congratulations, you picked the right idiot to mess with.
Be thankful if you don't have the foggiest idea when it comes to vocabulary (References from Dictionary.com)
Claustrophobia (noun) =>
an abnormal fear of being in enclosed or narrow places.
Sardonic (Adjective) =>
characterized by bitter or scornful derision; mocking; cynical; sneering: a sardonic grin. Labels: Darkness, Essence of Sprouting, Teen Angst
