Disclaimer: Don't read this post if you get distressed by my rantings. If it should make you feel any better and boost your confidence on someone being down and out in the O's and you're doing really fine and you can use someone's low to take u higher, by all means. No really. Wanted: Punch Bag
Humans and inanimate objects free to apply.
Call 1800-I-SCREWED-UP-MY-O-LEVELS.
Damn the O's giving me a big headache. I've felt every form of negative emotion (except for a suicidal tendency cos that's just dumb). Frustration, anger, disappointment, dejection, anxiety. Least I haven't felt apathy yet. Closest I get is just unmotivated. Then I'll just pretend I don't care or just laugh at the impossibility of it all. (I haven't lost it okay... that's contradictory)
Sucks when you don't just disappoint yourself but when you felt like you've let down your whole world. I mean, of course, if you're your whole world ... haha diva!
Now I shall curse my Mp3 for dying on me when I need it's amazing ability to play songs from a tiny stick. damn you technology.
To everyone I know: Sorry if I piss you off with my post-paper negative chakra (is that what it's called?). I'll be fine. Just thinking of how I've disappointed myself and the people i actually care about. (makes me sound so... uncaring to the rest of the world) haha... sweet irony. Because I care about me and you, I get angry at you, which makes you think I don't care for you cos I don't give you a break.
Nope, I'll get over it. Even if I've shown that I couldn't, but I will. You gotta feel upset for all there is before you can move on without a load on your shoulders.
Sometimes its so hard to think positive.
One chance to do it, one chance to screw it.
So much for being bound by your limitations. Don't be too hard on yourself if things haven't been going your way for the last 4 years. No really, just take it easy and hope you don't fall in the last lap.
I'm running low on endurance here ya'll. Why am I losing my patience when I need it the most?
I just wanna do well in life. SO STOP MAKING IT SOUND LIKE THE O'S ARE SEC 4S LIVES PLEASE I DON'T WANT MY LIFE TO REVOLVE AROUND AN EXAM! They should never have told me that O levels determine what and what. Cos now I can't get it out of my head. (This my friends, is a suggestion, not an accusation even though it sounds vaguely and angrily like one)
What next? It only takes away my ability to be happy and move on. And it eats up my endurance. And it gives me a gloomy perspective of life.
It's all about studying to move on to more studying to move on to an ideal.
Watch what you say educators. Your words have a huge influence on people who care. Or care too much. At least on the subconcious it has an effect.
I suppose it has a lot to do with how I deal with things. (Well, duh) Gimme a break now, I'm growing up. In Singapore.
I have got to re-wire my mentality to put it to success mode. yeah right, tried that so many times. I have got to see a shrink. I can't help it. Why am i stressing so much over something that I can't see?
I suppose I'm just afraid things won't turn out the way I want them to. I need them to.
I want my As! Do I think I have done enough?
Did I panic?
Did I try my best?
Did I try my best to get over it?
What's wrong with me?
Don't answer these for me, I know. I suppose it's like driving through the middle of nowhere without a map seeking for solutions. When will we get there? I told you, we'll get there when we get there. Shut up for the rest of the drive.
Still, it isn't a case of "The more my prayers, the lesser my grace". God has been kind enough to me, and I don't blame Him for things that don't seem to work out since I'm not omniscient. How would I know that it can be part of a larger frame of things that work out? Haha, well its a different story when you know the question's easy and how to do it, but you panic, there's no time and you didn't study it clearly enough, but you did study it.
Moral of the story: Don't assume things and point fingers at divinity, demons or humanity. We ain't blessed with an all-seeing eye.
Well now I see a bit of the shining point lighting up the despair. Suppose I can start off by not writing off uncertainty as positive.
Cos you'll never know. Just hope it doesn't bite you in the ass.
Also, even if things don't work out when the results come out, they're also a part of uncertainty that's in the rest of your life.
Bah, will be lending my textbook, notes, TYS and solutions for next year O level students. Haha, you'll like my notes if you can understand it.
I've done what I can.
I'll fly higher cos they can't stop me.
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Just what I can say about things that screwed me. Hahah, what better way to put it?
Labels: Darkness, Essence of Sprouting
