Hmm.. I'm nearing my 90th post. Yay! *proud of self* Well c'mon, my entries are loooong. Too bad I can't say that about my earliest entries, they were of objectionable quality. Guess I didn't pick up the skill of blogging then.
I guess I should start seperating the subjects in one entry to many different entry.
What can I say, I talk a lot, at least on this blog. Or maybe my readers are actually fun to talk to. Oh the Internet. Heh, did I tell you I used to keep diaries that never really cemented. They always died after a few entries, no matter how intelligent they seemed (
they were never, sadly). C'mon, why should I talk to myself like that when I can do it verbally and tell myself things I already know.
Plus, I'm not my best audience. If I could, I would probably throw rotten tomatoes at me. Oh, and having an actual audience would be something I enjoy. Visible and invisible ones.
So everyone knows that tomorrow is the Release. I won't call the O levels the O-monster, the O-bigone, the O-it-sucks-the-juice-outta-me.
Therefore, I wouldn't refer to tomorrow 2pm as doomsday.
Kay, that's just the pragmatic, spaced-out, somehow-uncaring side of me talking. Havin' a rare moment here people!
I wonder who will be opening Pandora's Box tomorrow.
(Disclaimer: Reader Discretion Advised)Backtrack to start of sec 4. Mm, well I could say I was extremely hopeful of the year. We all knew it was gonna be difficult, we were unsure, we had baggage from the year before... oh and CCA's a classic. Strange how you can fear and hope at the same time.
Towards mid-year, I swear I was going nuts. Everything screwed up and musical was putting on a huge strain. Mmm, life sucks eh. Lemons!
Now that I think of it, was I depressed? As in, clinically? Til' now, I'm not very sure but I felt I was losing control over myself and my mind. A bit creepy now that I think of it, cos I did experience some mentioned physical symptons too. Heh, then there was some leftover
lemon juice from that period of time, and before that too.
Ah... any unfounded accusations yet? I have yet to understand the workings of my brain enough though... and you too!
Soooo... now you know. People don't just freak out excessively, cry like the world's ending tomorrow, explode like Mount Merapi on a crabby day for Indonesians, become claustrophobic, fear pointlessly, feel sick for seemingly no reason, experience an urge for physical aggression, then sometimes feeling nothing at all.. Yup, there you go.
You know how people s'posedly hear voices and all when they're mentally sick. I didn't hear any telling me to slash my wrist or go for a skydiving lesson without a parachute. It all started when everyone were telling me so many pressurising things (
well you know, if u gotta tell a class collectively, people who don't need to hear it has to listen too... especially if they're impressionable) and it all translates into my own voice repeating it all. I take myself too seriously and ta-da!
Hmm, so there you go Shrinky.
I know we all got problems, but this is how mine manifested. People might've slashed their wrist, pulled out their hair, kicked little animals, took it out on people you don't really know... so I guess that's how it went for me.
Yup, if you're wondering, I'm writing this down just in case I start behaving strangely after getting my results to remind myelf of how it's a huge roundabout that's seriously not easy to get out of. Oh, and to satisfy some curiosity about volatile behaviour.
Anyway, can't say everything else was smooth sailing, but it did get a little better eventually. This, which I feel I should say, was the work of God. Before you go all 'noooo I thought this was secular!' on me, it really means a lot to me.
It was simple yet miraculous I might say. I might not have control over myself, but I do know Someone does. Once you start living for more than the fallacy of human minds and for something far greater, the assurance leaves you speechless with wonderment and contentment.
Therefore, at 2pm, it will not be the nightmare that many envision and I won't let my life and future hinge on O level results. Life still goes on after the end of the world, whether you like it or not. I'm gonna live my life for a bigger plan. Maybe I'm not made to fit the fabric of Singapore society, but I'm pretty sure me being different comes with a greater purpose. Who wants to be like everybody else anyway? If it's taught me anything, it's brought me closer to God and a testimony to how I believe we need Him.
Changing a perspective, opting for orange juice, living your life with a different purpose makes all the difference in the world.
This is a special dayI want to believe in another opportunityWe took a mortal leapAnd today I return to seeA light in the darknessDia Especial, ShakiraLabels: Accomplishments, Answers, Essence of Sprouting
